Grandparents not selfish for living within means

world, but not once to visit their “beloved grandparents.”

Are we being selfish to not want to forgo our retirement, return to work and downsize/ relocate to appease our children?

If they really wish you lived closer and miss you terribly, then that’s a beautiful thing, but the pressure is no way to show it (and it ought to stop).

If they are generally fine with things but feel guilty for not seeing you more, or if they think they’re doing you a favor by reminding you often how much you’re missed, then that’s disingenuous or presumptuous, respectively (and it ought to stop).

If they are comfortable enough with the arrangement that they’re unwilling to make sacrifices of their own to see you more, but hope they can enhance their lives of choice by pressuring you to make sacrifices to see then more, then

is selfish (and that really, really ought to stop).

A simple, “Please stop — moving is not realistic, so your asking us repeatedly is salt in a wound,” is where I suggest you start, because people with boundaries will accept that. “Ought to” is the phrasing of an optimist, though, so you may need to address everyone’s motives to have your best chance of being heard.

That includes, potentially, calling out a globetrotter son who talks about the grandparent time his child is missing but then walks his walk somewhere else.

Say it not with anger or pointed fingers — but with the facts at hand: “You say you want X, then do Y, and push us to do X for you. Which we’re happy to as much as we can! But there are limits, and if you want more of us, then you’ll need to do your part, too.” —

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