Compassion is needed with abusive friend

will? What should I do?

You’ve answered half of your own question:

If you can’t say something, who will?

“Best” friend means you voice your concern — and you make it about her. Take a walk with her and get to it: “I’m worried about you. You’re one of the best people I know, yet you’re so openly rough on Husband that it’s almost like you’re possessed by someone else. Are you OK? Is there anything I can do?”

If she’s under stress and dumping it all on him — such behavior is quite common but, make no mistake, it is abuse — then compassion is needed to help coax your friend out of this angry, defensive place.

You might still hurt her and the friendship, of course. But turning a blind eye to abuse just to preserve your comfort zone isn’t a choice that withstands moral scrutiny.

Even if you weren’t close but still haven’t distanced yourself — if, say, you were a colleague or neighbor or some other acquaintance of proximity with limited options for walking away, or if you believed there was enough good in her to give her a chance — then you’d still have a bystander’s obligation to speak up.

Saying something light in the moment — “Wow, tell us how you really feel” — can break the tension and send the message that her tone has crossed a line.

If this all seems frustratingly careful, well, it is.

Abusers use isolation to their advantage, so even though there’s always a point where principle demands cutting ties, there’s value in walking a line until then, one that keeps you involved without enabling.

Plus, people with histories of warmth and decency who have veered into anger need more loving people in their lives, not fewer.