Friend in recovery must make own decisions

likely be a big challenge for your friend to be around alcohol.

And everyone who’s thinking, “People who can’t go on one trip without drinking have a problem,” might have a point, too, but it’s beside the point here.

What the group does is up to each individual in the group, including your friend in recovery.

So, you don’t determine how the group handles alcohol — they do. And you don’t determine how your friend handles this trip so soon into his program — he does. His options include not going because it’s too soon.

Accordingly, this would be an appropriate next thing to say to your fellow campers: “You’re right, this isn’t up to me. So I’ll try this again: decided not to drink on the trip, to make it easier on [friend in recovery]. Any and all solidarity welcome.”

It’s the same message, but with the authority where it belongs.

Dear Carolyn: My siblings and I are at odds on what to do with information about a woman who claims she is the daughter of our deceased brother. The conception occurred years before “John” married his now widow and had several kids.

This daughter has made the connection through DNA testing and we are waiting for confirmation before deciding how to tell her immediate family. Do we tell the kids before their mother or the mother before the kids? We are not sure how to approach the family without causing havoc.

Oh my, indeed. The widow needs to know before anyone else, the moment you have confirmation.

She is the top of the pyramid that is the family she and John created together. In that role, she deserves to be the first of her family to know something of such consequence, and to have some say in how her kids find out. It’s a matter of basic respect.

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