Fiance’s failure to stand up to parents is real issue

guests and to avoid heavy drinking.

My fiance would like to avoid conflict. I am inclined to make sure my parents are comfortable hosting, and I feel they have compromised significantly.

Your parents’ compromise was generous and completely appropriate. Hold to it. People pushing that hard for hard alcohol are exactly the ones to stand up to.

They’re also the ones to bring their own supply, so notions of setting limits on heavy drinking often turn out to be quaint.

There was nothing wrong, to be fair, with their initial offer to finance an open bar. Cost is as common a reason as any for not having one, so it was worth a try.

But no meant no, and there’s a lot wrong with a family that doesn’t take no for an answer.

Yet none of their trespassing alarms me as much as this: “My fiance would like to avoid conflict.”

As would every single emotionally healthy person on earth, hello. Who wants to take a stand knowing it’ll start an argument? Who wants to challenge their parents on a pet issue, especially right before what is meant to be a happy occasion?

Taking a position we know will be unpopular is hard for all of us. That’s why the willingness to do uncomfortable things, in service of higher priorities, is a minimum requirement of maturity.

If your fiance doesn’t see your and your parents’ stance as valid; or have the wherewithal to stand up to his family on this (or anything else); or grasp the importance of having priorities beyond one’s own comfort; then you can safely anticipate your entire marriage will be under the influence of his family.

So the compromise is fine — but your fiance’s ability to engage under pressure in general is the make-or-break issue at hand.

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