Dad handling bedtime solo should end wife’s drama

kids will feel they have to exercise caution to make sure their mom’s feelings are not hurt, and feel guilty when they are. I feel it’s our job as parents to take these things in stride.

I have expressed these feelings to her, and get a couple of responses: (1) “This is between me and the kids, stay out of it”; and (2) “Then it would just be easier if you did not do bedtime at all.”

I think because she is with them more, it seems unfair to her that the kids “love Dad more.” But it’s all just phases, in my opinion. I’d appreciate your opinion.

There’s a lot going here, so I’ll start with this: Everyone’s feelings are normal.

On your kids’ part, they see their mom more so they see time with you as special. I’m sure your wife thinks her version is rational — more time invested equals more love — and time might prove her right, but at the moment it’s adult thinking. Kid thinking is that Mom is spinach and Dad is cake.

Your wife is acting on her feelings inappropriately, but the feelings themselves are normal.

Your dismay at your wife’s acting out is also normal. You want your kids to grow up mindful of others’ feelings but not feel responsible for them, and your wife’s out-storming — if it becomes a habit — will send them the message that it’s their job to keep Mother happy.

This precursor to eggshell-walking could warrant counseling, for you alone if your wife refuses. However, she might have veered close to an answer herself. You don’t “stay out of it,” though — she does. do bedtimes solo, just through this phase, canceling the competition and giving your wife some time for herself. It checks every box: more you for your kids; more kids for you; less of everyone for your wife. Ask her, kindly, to grant you this rare one-on-one time with the kids.