Friends need to know that hosting meals is not a competition
guests, they are reciprocating. But they are not going to realize how offensive their explanation is unless you tell them. They actually think that they are offering you a compliment.
As they seem to be good friends, you should be able to say gently, “You know, it’s not a competition. I enjoy many styles of food, and would be honored to be invited to your house.”
Dear Miss Manners: It seems I can hardly open my mouth these days before the person I am talking with says “Got it!” or words to that effect. I am careful about not telling long or boring stories, and I don’t think I drag out my speech, but very often I am being cut short. Is communication only about getting quickly to the point?
I am tired of saying, “Please let me finish.”
Gentle Reader: Then don’t. In fact, don’t say anything.
Miss Manners has found that the best way to deal with people who anticipate what one is going to say is to let them say it and then to refrain from speaking at all, as they seem to want to handle both sides of the conversation. Eventually, they do notice the silence.
Dear Miss Manners: When the lovely people at my workplace want to show their appreciation of my work, they give me a gift card to a well-known online company that is rapidly putting independent booksellers out of business.
My husband runs an independent bookstore. The folks at my work know what my husband does, but have clearly not put two and two together to realize that this gift will make me deeply unhappy and give my husband ulcers.
What would be the best way, in my thank-you letter, to express appreciation for their generosity while requesting that in future, they choose virtually any other gift in the world — or none at all?
Gentle Reader: Most online book companies inexplicably sell things other than books. If this one does, you could say in your letter, “We greatly look forward to using this card for novelty sweets or toys for our dogs.”
If questioned about why you would not want to get books, Miss Manners recommends you say, “Oh, my husband already owns an independent bookstore. Happily, we can get everything we need there.”