Neutral site is best place to visit religious sister

She is lonely, and I want to ease her loneliness by hosting her and showing her some joy — but I dread having her judgments in my house, and chastisements to go to church, for three or four days at a time. It is hard to relax because you never know what will set her off. Can I just say I’m through?

Yes, of course. Your home, your time, your values, your life.

Even if your sister didn’t overstep so unnervingly on the Great Tolerant Trapezoid Incident, it would still be your prerogative.

Since it sounds as if you’re being pulled in two directions, though, I’ll offer this: you still want to ease her loneliness, there are ways to do it that don’t trap you into four days of diatribes. You can meet her for a mini-vacation at a neutral site halfway between you. With your son, or while he stays with a friend, your call.

Neutral sites not only allow you to bail early if the judgments exceed your patience, but also, if you choose well, give you an impersonal thing — scenery, a show, the food — to talk about ... or change the subject to, stat.

Carolyn: Our daughter’s classmate has a July birthday. Her parents always organize a birthday party for her shortly after school is in session, when all of her friends are around. The invitations never state to not bring a gift.

My take is that this is nothing more than a gift grab for their daughter to maximize what she gets. My wife says I’m being silly. Who’s right?

Only her parents can say for certain. Maybe it’s a gift grab, but it could be that all of her friends are around. Or something else entirely.

Here’s what I do know for a certainty, even with the scant information you gave me: You could give these parents the benefit of the doubt. Instead you’ve chosen to think the worst of them.

How’s that working for you, as a general outlook on life?