Expectant parents’ ‘snub’ shouldn’t be taken personally

husband interjected with light humor. After some debate, I dropped the subject; nothing has been said about it since, even though we see them often and have warm visits.

My daughter-in-law just learned that she needs a cesarean section, and her oldest just had surgery. He’ll be fine but is now home and needing extra help.

We now don’t know how to respond if the call for help should come. My husband says an apology is needed first. How do you suggest we handle this?

You might as well have typed, “My husband says we need to shoot ourselves in the feet first.”

No, no, no! Please. Don’t demand anything, and don’t take this personally, unless you have far more evidence to support that than you’ve given.

Here’s what I see: Your daughter-in-law (“D”) has had the newborn experience before. D also has a relationship with her mother that she needs euphemisms to describe.

In other words,she has learned her lesson: no mom visits to “help” with babies.

So far, this is strictly about D’s side of the family.

OK, so she’s keeping her mom behind the police tape — but what about you two? Those pleasant visits say she does like you, but that puts her in a tough spot. If D invites you to come help, she will only invite screams from her mom and other relatives, right? So she keeps you out, too — and scream. Terrible spot.

Yes, I’m speculating, several times over, but having seen some “interesting” maternal relationships, I don’t see this as a stretch.

She seems to be taking the less-complicated path — with her husband’s support, appropriately — and keeping you all behind the tape for a week-ish.