Wife can’t keep husband’s true paternity secret

Carolyn Hax

Dear Carolyn: My motherin-law told me she questions her son’s (my husband’s) paternity. She claims her ex, his father, doesn’t know. She said she wanted me to know in case something happens to her and there’s a medical reason to know such information.

She didn’t want to tell him because she fears how it might affect her relationship with him.

I feel like I’m keeping a secret from my husband.Do I tell her she needs to disclose this to him or I will?

Explain to your motherin-law that you understand her concern that telling him might affect her relationship with her son.

However, and unfortunately, your having this knowledge and keeping it from him has already started to affect relationship with her son.

And you can’t have that. Once you spell out the problem for her, then, yes, you say she needs to tell him or you will.

Dear Carolyn: I have a chronic health problem I’ve been dealing with for a couple years now. I can’t eat a whole bunch of things and had some weight loss.

A lot of people, even good friends and family, can’t just say they’re sorry that I’m suffering, they have to comment, “You look great!” or even, “I wish I had that problem!”

I never wanted to lose weight! And they seem to think I should be happy about this. And the cultural pressure to be slender is so strong I can’t complain or just get really mad at them for this “compliment.” Any clever suggestions?

Clever, no, but meet my buddy “frank”:

“The sickest thing here isn’t me, it’s that our preoccupation with weight is now so profound that my sickness is seen as a blessing.”

I realize you have much bigger battles to fight than our society’s warped values, but if you ever feel up to it, then, please, take a good swing at it.

Otherwise, have this handy: “I know you mean well/are just joking, but comments about weight aren’t helpful to me.”

Dear Carolyn: I am an 82-year-old woman in good health and living independently. I have two grown kids living 15 to 20 minutes away. We all have a good relationship, but I see them infrequently, and they call maybe once or twice a week.

I want more. I think it is not too much to ask that each one make it a point to see me once a month.

I have dropped hints but nothing has changed. Any thoughts that you can share?

One thought: Stop waiting for them to read your mind.

Just say what you want: “I’d love to set up a standing visit — say, every first Sunday. How does that sound?”