Excuses for not seeing in-laws don’t add up

video chatting, and my daughter has no interest in talking on the phone.

The grandparents periodically express some frustration about not having a better relationship with her, but I’m not sure what I can do. Sending her to visit on her own is not an option; they’re a plane ride away, and their area isn’t a place I would leave a multiracial child without parental supervision.

Maybe I’m being obtuse, but, urban/ rural, white-collar/ blue-collar, liberal/ conservative and not being close are emotional apples and oranges.

Maybe there’s more to this? If not — if it’s simply an issue of city versus country mice — then seeing that as extra work versus unworkable could encourage rapprochement.

Also in that case, the strict one-visit-peryear limit seems more cruel and unusual than healthy.

And “no interest in talking on the phone” is not an excuse. Seriously. Now, if we’re to extrapolate from “multiracial child” that your husband’s position is a boundary he enforces against racial prejudice, then some of this makes sense. But if this were about race, why not mention that right away?

If your husband’s anxiety is about the place and circumstances versus the people, ask him whether you and he have built the guardrails too high.

If his anxiety is about his parents themselves, your obligation is to check in occasionally — “Are we handling this right?” — but otherwise support his needs.

I hope he made it clear to his parents why he keeps them at bay. Assuming they should know by now isn’t a substitute for specifics; not knowing why is torture.