Young children need to know only basics about grandfather

With an eye, always, toward how you want them to treat you and others when they’re old enough themselves to sever a tie.

It’s wise not to burden kids with too many details and nuances about adult relationships, especially ones they’re too young to grasp; it’s also an act of decency not to speak ill of others.

It’s important not to suggest that family estrangement is a reasonable response to routine faults and frustrations. It sounds as if you made a necessary decision to distance yourself from your father; I’m not questioning that.

But anything less than a full explanation of your father’s absence can leave room for your kids to interpre that you, say, just don’t agree with him or took offense to one of his jokes.

So tell them, simply: You don’t see your grandfather because he was unkind to people — not just once but most of the time — without any apology or effort to be kinder, despite your plainly asking for both. That’s it. Dear Carolyn: I have a chronic illness that causes severe fatigue. There are a number of these “invisible” diseases — multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, COPD, to name a few.

I wear makeup, exercise, dress neatly and try to make myself presentable. Still, I hear daily, “You look so tired.” How should I respond, beyond the evil eye?

People do like to show they care. I’m just sorry so many of them are idiots about it.

Assuming that you’re burned out on educating people: I’m partial to a bright, incongruous, “Thanks!” (smile). Same message as the evil eye but costing a smaller chunk of my soul.