Millennials chase perfection at high cost

When he was in eighth grade, Benjamin Cherkasky quit the swim team.

He loved swimming. But he wasn’t winning every time, and he felt he should already be an Olympic-like talent.

“I’m not Michael Phelps at swimming, so why am I even on the team?” he remembers thinking.

A therapist who researches perfectionism at Northwestern University’s Family Institute, he realized years later what had happened. His perfectionism was creating unrealistic standards, and unable to meet them, he quit. This continued throughout college.

“My perfectionism is very high expectations, and fantasy-like and not realistic expectations, that caused real suffering and real anxiety,” he said.

Cherkasky is not alone in feeling a perfectionism that can breed anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts.

So many millennials are suffering from the ills of perfectionism that psychologists are issuing warnings and schools are emphasizing the need to both strive for success and accept failure.

Northwestern recently held its first event on the topic, aimed at educating students that perfectionism can be poisonous and giving tips and tactics to help.

Jessica Rohlfing Pryor, a Family Institute staff psychologist leading the event, said every generation is a sponge for messages it receives.

“I would argue that millennials more than any other generation in American society are receiving very strong explicit messages around achieving,” she said. “There’s an absence of messaging that trying your hardest is still OK.”

Chronic procrastination and elaborate to-do lists can be signs of perfectionism — and potentially darker issues.

In January, the American Psychological Association reported that recent generations of college students have reported higher levels of perfectionism than earlier generations.

This “irrational desire to achieve along with being overly critical of oneself and others” takes a toll on young people’s mental health, according to its research, which analyzed data from more than 40,000 American, Canadian and British college students. Three types of perfectionism were measured: an irrational personal desire to be perfect, perceiving excessive expectations from others and placing unrealistic standards on others.

Recent generations of college students have reported significantly higher scores for each of these types of perfectionism than earlier generations, the researchers found.

People affected could be in both the millennial generation and Generation Z. Rohlfing Pryor noted that data have been collected from more than 200 studies, not all of which defined these two groups the same way. So although more than one age group was studied, she has found perfectionism to be particularly prevalent in university students, including both undergraduate and graduate students.

Researchers noted that social media adds comparison pressure, along with the drive to earn money and set lofty career goals.