‘Moniker,’ ‘fungible’ join list of hated words

Ikeep a list of words I hate and regularly add to it. A lot of people hate “moist,” but I’m thinking that the word isn’t what repels them but the idea of dampness that lies behind it.

It’s not the kind of word I hate.

I’m also not turned off by “mucous,” which made a dictionary.com list of hated words.

Sure, mucous describes slimy stuff, but the combination of sounds doesn’t strike me as inherently disagreeable.

If mucous were, say, an aromatic spice, people would think better of it. Certainly, it’s easier to say than cardamom and turmeric, two spices that I wish were spelled “cardamon” and “tumeric.”

Of course, none of them can compete with “saffron,” a beautiful word. Just saying it tastes good.

I hate words that put on airs, such as the adjective “bespoke.” It’s a fancy way of saying custommade. You can buy a bespoke suit from a tailor, but why would tailors say “bespoke” when they could say “tailor-made”?

All words associated with internet dating deception are on my hate list: catfishing, breadcrumbing, ghosting, submarining, etc.

I can’t convincingly use them because they’re trendy and I’m not. Plus, I can’t keep them straight, so I run the risk of accusing someone of submarining when they’re actually breadcrumbing. Other words I hate: Moniker: The synonym for “name” or “nickname” sounds clunky and slightly derogatory to me.

You might choose a name for yourself, but a moniker sounds like something someone else imposes on you. Besides that, no one in real life ever says it, and that’s a pretty good argument for not writing it.

Gastropub: It’s marketing-speak that manages to hint at digestive processes and beer while still remaining frustratingly vague. The word makes me want to burp.

Fungible: This should be a food term having to do with mushrooms. But, no, “fungible” has roots in finance, originally meaning substitutable, such as being able to pay off a debt in potatoes rather than gold. Now it’s becoming a synonym for interchangeable.

It strikes me as one of those newspaper op-ed words — others are “conflate” and “jurisprudence” — that add weight but not substance.

Ilk: I had no animosity toward “ilk” until I became a columnist and got acquainted with hate mail. A lot of it contained the phrase “people of your ilk.”

When people assign you an ilk, they’re usually not happy with your opinion. So “ilk” irks me.

But I’m not the word police, so if you love the words I hate, use them as you see fit. I will not saddle you with a moniker or have you fitted with an unbespoken suit.