If online boyfriend won’t meet, it’s time to pull the plug

Dear Abby: I met a great guy online eight months ago. He lives in another country and we have been in a longdistance relationship for the last six months. We talk all the time, video chat frequently and have grown close.

We are having a disagreement about meeting in person. I’m willing to travel to his country. The expense, while not negligible, is within my means. However, he says he has some serious health issues, and he wants to wait until they are resolved to meet. He has had them for much of his life. There has been no diagnosis or treatment plan.

When I have asked, he says I should be patient, and he doesn’t want our relationship to be about waiting to do things because of his condition. Meanwhile, I know how much pain he is in. It’s not going to scare me away. I just want to be with him.

I don’t want to add to his stress by insisting we meet, but I also don’t want to spend months or years with my life on hold. What should I do? — Gamer Girl in Indiana

Dear Gamer Girl: When someone you meet online is reluctant to interact with you fully, there is usually a reason. Having had these “health problems” all his life, one would think there would be a name for the illness and a treatment plan. Because he has neither, I question whether his health is the reason he doesn’t want you to visit him. He may be in a relationship or is not as he has represented himself. What you need to do is move on.

Dear Abby: My mother-in-law has the means to buy almost anything she wants. She’s a shopper, yet very generous to her children. She buys expensive and unwanted gifts for all her kids — satisfying her shopping urges by getting us doubles of her latest cooking gadget, vacuum cleaner or 10-pound box of chocolate.

While we’re not poor, we sure could use the money she’s wasting on these silly gifts. How do we tell her that it’s awkward for us to receive an expensive vacuum when we need help with tuition for our kids? — Regretfully Ungrateful

Dear Regretfully: I’m not going to label your mother-in-law as insensitive or you as ungrateful. I do think the time has come for you and her son to have a talk with her and explain that, while you are grateful for the gifts, you could use the money she’s spending on them for help with her grandchildren’s school tuition. If that offends her, so be it, but if she loves her grandchildren, I don’t think it should.