Wife must decide whether family incident should end marriage

Dear Abby: My husband said something derogatory to my cousin’s sister-in-law at a family party. She told my cousin right away, and my cousin then told my brothers and sisters-in-law. They confronted my husband and told him he had to tell me or they would. My husband did tell me; of course, it is now out in the open and the ramifications have been horrible.

My husband has apologized to all parties, but my brothers and sisters-in-law now hate him to the point that they don’t want him around their kids. I love my husband, but I love my family too. I know if I stay and work on my marriage, my brothers and their wives won’t support my decision, which will make me unhappy. However, if I walk away from my husband without trying to work on my marriage, I won’t be happy either. I’m trying to decide if I stay or go.

Dear Losing: Was what happened at the family party something that happens often? Is your husband a loose cannon, a drunk, a misogynist, a verbal abuser? Has he changed for the worse? If the answer to those questions is no, and because he has apologized to all concerned, I don’t think you should give up on your marriage without careful consideration, possibly with input from your spiritual adviser and/or a therapist.

Dear Abby: I have an invisible injury — a traumatic brain injury that occurred when I was struck by a car when I was 10. People don’t understand my symptoms. When I stumble when I walk, people have accused me of being drunk. When I haven’t been able to answer a question right away, I’ve been called an idiot. Kids have made fun of me in front of my daughter while their parents looked on and smiled.

My injury has made it hard for me to make friends. I have tried explaining what happened only to be accused of lying. It hurts. I guess I’m writing to you hoping to remind people that just because you think you know what’s going on with someone does not mean that you do. — Misunderstood

Dear Misunderstood: I’m printing your letter because it’s an important one: Many people suffer from hidden disabilities. You might feel less isolated if you affiliate with a brain injury support group. Try the Brain Injury Association of America (1-800-444-6443, biausa. org).

Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.