Handle name change with respect for stepdad in mind

Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: For most of my life, I had searched for my biological father. My mother had many relationships throughout her life, and I was the result of a one-night stand. I have a half-brother who is the result of another failed relationship. My mother finally married a man who raised us as his own and gave us his last name. However, Mom wouldn’t tell me or my brother who our real fathers were.

After she became terminally ill, I continued asking but she wouldn’t budge.

Two years ago, I took an online DNA test and, amazingly, found my biological father. He and my new brothers have accepted me and my family and given us unconditional love.

Over the last two years I have wanted to change my last name, but I’m afraid to make the leap. I want to ask for my stepfather’s permission/blessing, but I’m worried he will get angry and never speak to me again.

Am I selfish for wanting this name change, or should I seek to set the record straight? — Reclaiming My Name in Indiana

Dear Reclaiming: You certainly have a right to change your name to the one that reflects your identity. But I think you should wait to “set the record straight.” Your stepfather took you into his home and heart and gave you his name, and to change it now would be a poor way to repay his love and kindness. It might lessen the blow if you discuss hyphenating your last name. After he is gone, you could shorten the name to your birth father’s.

Dear Abby: My mother-inlaw has a key to my house; we left it under the mat one day so she could get in to pick up something. I asked my husband to get the key back, but he is uncomfortable asking.

She and my father-in-law have been in our house twice more in our absence. We were out of town, and we were shocked to hear they had entered without asking. When I talked to my husband about it, he was upset and took his anger out on me. It ruined our day traveling.

I asked my mother-in-law to please let us know when she was entering the house due to privacy. She is now upset and says she doesn’t know when she will visit us again. Am I overreacting?

— Keyed Up in Alabama

Dear Keyed Up: No. Your husband should ask his mother for the key back. If he can’t find the courage to insist upon the privacy you deserve, change the locks.

Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.