Trepidation over coming grandchild understandable, can be handled

degree, and starting my own cherished career trajectory late in life: the health of one of my children prompted my decision to be an at-home parent and put my goals on hold. I feel a sort of grief over the very real possibility I might have to give up (or gear down) my newfound agency to help care for this child.

My tickled-pink husband is already buying baby equipment for our house. I am at a loss for where to start dealing with the ambivalence and angst I feel while also wanting to support my daughter through this special time.

— Luffing Sails

You have excellent reasons to be ambivalent, so, be ambivalent. To force yourself to feel otherwise — assuming that’s even possible — would be to deny the, what, 20 years? 25? you set aside your Plan A.

To be clear: That happens to all of us, to some degree. Life gets the last word. But it’s still OK to have feelings about that, to be disappointed over a sacrifice, ecstatic about a wanted change, fearful of an unwanted one.

That’s where you start: by not beating yourself up for having mixed feelings. Then, summon reality to offset your fears.

Your “many hardships” are imagined, not certain. And if hardship does visit this new family, it won’t be the same as yours. You and your husband were the first line of care for your child’s health issue. This time, you would be one of four (yes?) grandparents on the second line of care. Plus the brother-in-law.

Even if you become first-line, a “tickledpink” Grandpa can take charge this time.

Talk to your husband about your fears — and/or a therapist, if appropriate. Follow the process toward a more comprehensive look at what’s real, what’s imagined and what preparations you can do now to make sure your Plan A has sound levees around it.

It might allow you to fall for your grandbaby in the simplest possible way.