The Columbus Dispatch

People can’t fathom that boyfriend isn’t also best friend

- Write to Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com

Adapted from an online discussion.

Hi, Carolyn: So many people refer to their significan­t others as their best friend. That works for them, great! I am all for things that make my friends, and really anyone else, happy.

But they can’t seem to take this view of my relationsh­ip when I say that my boyfriend and my BFF are different people. BFF is a woman who is “my person,” to steal a phrase from

“Grey’s Anatomy.” Boyfriend is my love. When I say this, when I refer to BFF as Best Friend and Boyfriend as not-best Friend, you’d think I’d said that puppies were gross or something.

This reaction bugs me and I don’t know why. His not being my best friend doesn’t bother Boyfriend at all — I asked him about it.

So WHY does it bother me that some people don’t like the distinctio­n between Boyfriend and BFF if his is the opinion that matters here?

— Bugged

Maybe it bugs you because people are up in your business and attempting to correct it for you uninvited?

Maybe you can help yourself push through these resentment­s by saying to people, “I’m not sure I understand why you care that I’m doing this, when you are not me, my best friend or my boyfriend.” Cut to the point you want to get across to yourself.

Dear Carolyn: If you think you could benefit from therapy, does that mean you should probably go to therapy? I worry my problems aren’t bad enough to warrant it.

— Anonymous

The whole “my problems aren’t bad enough” argument against therapy is a canard. Your problem warrants therapy when you think you could benefit from talking to someone trained to untie emotional knots.

There’s also nothing wrong with going for, say, one session just to get an opinion on something you’re wrestling with. That’s how you find out if talking about it helps, and/or if you’ve chosen the right provider to help you.

If the whole exercise turns out to have been a waste of your time and money, then that’s unfortunat­e, especially if it involves financial hardship — but it still will have been no different from undergoing a medical checkup for a condition you turned out not to have.

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