Social media addict in withdrawal is tempted to relapse

Adapted from an online discussion. Hi, Carolyn: My New Year’s resolution was to take a break from social media, which I found was making me feel insecure and competitive. I’ve made it this far but I miss, of all things, torturing myself with pictures of people’s cute babies and fancy date nights.

Staying off is the right thing to do, right? The bad feelings it gives me aren’t worth keeping marginally in touch with old acquaintances from high school?

—Embargoed

Right. So, good stuff, recognizing something isn’t good for you and taking action to cut the supply.

But what are you doing on the other end, to increase your access to things that help you feel good about yourself?

Think of this as withdrawal, like it would be for any addiction. You run the risk of relapse if you lose focus or if you don’t build up alternative, productive, more fulfilling ways to use your time.

Hi, Carolyn: Long story short, my elderly dad has been cheating on my elderly mom for years. Decades, actually. She knows this, cries when she finds out about a new tryst, threatens divorce and goes through the motions of separating.

At first he denies it and gaslights her, then angrily admits it and blames her, and then finally cries and apologizes to her. She accepts the apology, there’s a brief honeymoon period and the cycle repeats.

This is exhausting for us adult children. The last time it happened, I kept my distance from both of them for a few months because I was so emotionally drained by it all.

Of course, he’s now cheated again, and now I learned details about this affair that just make me angry at both. How do I deal with this?

— Cheat-tears-forgiveness-repeat

It seems you were on to something effective enough, in ducking out only during the worst months of the cycle. Maybe try that again?

As long as you’re getting news about the infidelity cycle from the family grapevine, you’ll never be entirely free of it, not during your parents’ lifetimes. So you might as well view your choice now in terms of opting out whenever you feel yourself getting sucked in — and maybe thinking about this cycle’s longer-term impact on you.