Turning 40
It isn’t just skin deep. Older people face real world consequences and discrimination, particularly in the workplace where youth usually trumps experience. Sixty-four percent of women say they’ve experienced age discrimination in the workplace, according to a 2018 AARP study. Aging employees are often seen as less competent, less likely to be considered for promotions and more susceptible to layoffs.
Hollywood historically shunned older women, but they are pushing back
The fear of aging is especially potent in Hollywood.
For female stars, aging used to signal the end of coveted roles. “It used to be when you were 40 your career was done … and I mean really done,” Halle Berry, 54, tweeted in August.
But “women today, like Beyoncé, are changing the face of 40,” Wolanin says.
Jennifer Lopez, Dolly Parton, Janet Jackson, Helen Mirren, Salma Hayek and Rita Moreno are all showing that not only have their careers not ended when the clock struck 40, they’ve thrived more than before.
Even celebrities as high-profile as Duchess Meghan are “fighting back” against the stigma of aging, Grossman says, and “setting the stage for people that come after them.”
Meghan, who turned 40 on Aug. 4, launched the Archewell initiative “40x40” on her birthday to “help women regain confidence and rebuild their economic strength” after finding her own strength to publicly speak out against scrutiny from the British tabloids and allegations of racism in the royal family. She told Oprah Winfrey that it was “liberating” to “be able to speak for yourself ” in a bombshell interview in March.
“It shows how much they believe in themselves,” Grossman says. “Even
when the world stops believing in you because you’ve turned a certain age, you don’t have to fall into the trap.”
Britney Spears, who turns 40 on Dec. 2, also spoke out for the first time against her “abusive” 13-year long conservatorship managed by her father, Jamie Spears. “I just want my life back,” she said in June. “I deserve to have a life … and just, you know, do what I want to
do.”
Wolanin says “we begin asking ourselves, what (are) our own desires, dreams and joys” after 40, because “we have lived our lives for others, and now we are gaining the confidence to engage in deeper self-inquiry.”
With age comes wisdom. While 20year-olds may invest energy into meeting others’ expectations, once you hit 40, it’s easier to determine what you value and what’s important to you.
Katherine Heigl said 40 feels “like a certain kind of freedom.”
“Freedom from all the self doubt, insecurities, self-loathing, uncertainties and anxieties of my 20s and 30s,” Heigl, now 42, shared in 2018. “Not to say I don’t still have those moments, but I just feel like 40 makes me older and wiser.”
40 is an opportunity to take stock of your life
Turning 40 is no longer written off as the beginning of the end – it’s a chance to reinvent and grow.
“If you are not happy about turning 40, it should be a wakeup call that you can find your way back to your values,” Grossman says. “The people who are the most freaked out about hitting certain milestones are the people who are not living their life to the fullest.”
It’s time to start doing more of what makes you happy, experts say. That may mean evaluating relationships, careers, friendships and finances.
Is it easy to get real with yourself? Not always. But with these tips, experts say you can steer yourself in the right direction.
h Get some clarity. Evaluate “where you are now, where do you want to go and how do you get there,” Grossman says. What is important to you? What do you care about and value? “Find something that gives you a sense of purpose in life.”
h Look within. Many people try to find happiness in things and people around us – a promotion, marriage or the perfect house. But external happiness isn’t constant and can ebb and flow accordingly. “Realize happiness comes from within,” Grossman says. Everyone has a different timetable. Don’t wait to check off all those boxes to be happy.
h Map it out. What do you need to change to be happy wherever you are now? Write down your game plan to keep yourself accountable and on track. If you need help, consider working with a personal coach.