Self-identified introvert finds new extrovert tendencies

Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Is finding your inner extrovert a thing? I have always thought of myself as an introvert. (For what it’s worth, Meyers-briggs usually tells me so, too.) But now I suspect I am a shy extrovert instead. Random example: I was on a real high after working at my precinct on Election Day. My introverted but more socially adept friend said how exhausting it sounded.

I want to exercise this muscle more, but am struggling with how to put this side of myself out there, especially these days when I’m unlikely to find a group of strangers to rally. Any good ideas?

— Shy Extrovert?

The first idea that sounds good to me is to mentally throw away any labels for your emotional self.

You are what you are and you need what you need, regardless of what a test-about-which-there-is-a-lot-ofdisagreement-if-not-open-skepticism-about-its-worth says about you. There’s nothing that says you’re a fixed quantity for sure.

You can have phases during which it suits you to be out and rallying a crowd, and phases when your inner homebody won’t be ignored.

So listen for and honor your own inclinations — exactly as you’re doing here — and you’ll be OK.

My second idea is to consider that it isn’t the group of strangers that makes the rally such a gratifying exercise, but instead the thing you were rallying for, and the feeling that you’ve personally contributed to this cause.

So, the political process was energizing for you, maybe? In a way that chatting up dozens of people all day might not have been energizing, had it been just a social occasion? Try following the purpose impulse, and look for volunteer spots on campaigns or a bigger role in local elections.

If it wasn’t politics per se, then it could have also been pitching in to your own community that worked for you. That’s another theme to follow to see if it yields the kind of yay-me high you were on at your precinct: Join a local service group, say.

Thinking of it with this framework, you won’t be looking for a group of strangers to rally — which, well, might scare them anyway — but instead a cause to follow. That in turn may lead you to the group of new people you want.