Woman’s insistence puts strain on marriage
Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for seven years. She has a son from a previous marriage who got into drugs as a teen.
Four years ago, my wife put her son in rehab, but he had a relapse and briefly ended up in prison.
The effect it had on my wife was devastating and she began to drink. My dislike for her son increased exponentially.
Last year, my wife put her son in rehab again, this time in another state. He finished the program, but while there, met another addict in a halfway house for sober living and she got pregnant.
They married two weeks ago, and my wife returned from the wedding exuberant and giddy. She demanded that we allow the couple to live with us so she could give her son a second chance. I told her “no.” In response, she removed her wedding ring.
My wife now plans to move out of state to live with the couple and take them out of the halfway house so she can care for the baby and rekindle her relationship with her son. I have spoken to numerous addiction experts and they all agree that the couple should remain where they are.
My wife is defiant about it and has resolved to leave me. She thinks her son’s problems are all behind him now.
I love my wife and don’t want to lose her.
— Crestfallen Husband
Dear Crestfallen: Your wife is living in a fantasy, and her rushing in to take over her son’s life could undermine his recovery. But she believes she is helping and to some extent, that’s true. The problem is, her son needs to know that he can stand on his own feet first and he hasn’t completely done that. Would she speak to the addiction experts about this? Do her son and new daughter-in-law understand the downside of moving out of the halfway house too soon?
If you cannot convince your wife to change her mind, and you want to stay married, we recommend that you be supportive. This could work out. Having a baby together might encourage the couple to be more committed to staying clean.
Your wife’s assistance could allow them to find decent jobs. Tell her you are on her side and consider this a temporary separation. We hope it is.