Through the MIST, a total disaster

I was on my way to proctor a TNReady test Monday morning when I got pulled over for speeding. Again.

I got a speeding ticket last year at the same intersection. I should have seen this coming.

This time the officer pulled out an iPad.

“Username and password, please?” he said. What? “You need to log in before I can assess your speed, sir. It’s part of the state’s new TNReady, Set, Stop! program.”

What happened to TCOP? That was t he speed assessment system they were using when I got stopped last year.

“Nobody liked it,” the officer said. “We were supposed to start using a new assessment called PARKK, but legislators decided it didn’t fit Tennessee drivers.”

hat’s different about Tennessee drivers?

“They vote in Tennessee,” the officer said.

Ah. Well, I don’t have a username or password.

“That’s a problem,” the officer said. “I can’t assess your speeding until you are logged in to your MIST testing station.” What’s MIST? “Motorist Incorporated Secure Testing. It’s the state’s new speed assessment system.” Better than TOP? “Better be. Cost $108 million.” You haven’t tried it yet? “We’ve been testing it for months. Had to cut back regular patrols to an hour a day just so we’d have time to practice on this new system.” How’s it working? “It’s not. If it lets you log in, your screen freezes or you get kicked off.”

What do you do when that happens?

“You click the pause button. Then you move the motorist to a new MIST testing station and log in there.”

How many testing stations do you have?

“Doesn’t matter. They’re all hooked up to the same servers.” Isn’t that a concern? “Yep. System crashed so bad last October they had to reconfigure all the servers. We were still having so many problems last week, the state gave every department the option of going back to using paper tickets.”

So why can’t you give me a paper ticket?

“We spent too much money on this new system,

not to mention time. The test administration manual was 50 pages long. The operational manual was another 46 pages.”

Why is it so complicated?

“You don’t spend $108 mil lion on somet hi ng simple.”

OK, officer. I admit. I was speeding. Can’t you just give me a ticket and let me go? You saw how fast I was driving.

“The state can’t take my word for it, sir. I’m just a sworn officer of the law. I have to use this new online system to assess your speed in a secure, standardized and statistically valid way. My evaluation depends on this data.”

But the people who designed this assessment system aren’t even here.

“They don’t need to see us, sir. They just need the data. That way they can compare your driving and my enforcement to other drivers and law enforcement officers across the state and around the country.”

So can I just take this one speed assessment and be done with it.

“Not quite, sir. You’ll have to submit to a speed assessment test every time you get in a car.” That’s insane. “I don’t make the rules, sir. I just spend all my time trying to enforce them.”

The officer handed me the iPad.

“Here’s your tester ticket. Now you can log in.”

I took the iPad and logged in.

“Wait for the screen to load. This might take a few seconds. Or longer.”

The officer pulled out a second iPad.

“I’ll use this one to monitor your progress,” he said.

We waited for a minute. Neither screen was loading. I noticed a number on the iPad to call for MIST tech support and pulled out my cellphone.

The officer reached over and pressed pause on my iPad.

“Please step out of the car, sir,” he ordered. “All electronic devices must be turned off to prevent additional load on our wireless infrastructure.” But I didn’t ... “I’m going to have to radio the system testing coordinator and report a possible breach.”

Just then, another patrol car pulled up. The officer walked over and chatted, then returned shaking his head.

“Servers crashed,” he said. “They’re shutting it all down and going back to paper tickets.”

So you can give me a ticket now?

“No, sir. We’ll have to sit here and wait for the MIST folks to send us paper tickets.” I handed him the iPad. “You might as well keep it, sir. You already paid for it.”

Contact columnist David Waters at waters@commercialappeal.com.