Blood tests, cancer splits up family

Dear Harriette: My sister has battled cancer twice. She is healthy now, but both diagnoses were shocking to the family. My mother wants to have every family member’s blood tested to see if there are any other indications of disease that we do not yet know about. Everyone is for this except for my sister. My mother is now fighting with my sister because my mother thinks she has the right to know if my sister has a high probability of becoming sick again. People are choosing sides; although I think my sister should give us peace of mind and take the test, I don’t think attacking her is the way to do it. How can I step in and smooth this whole thing over? — Testy Family, Salt Lake

City

Dear Testy Family: It is understandable that your mother wants to figure out how to gain control over what must be the scariest challenge your family could imagine. And yet your sister has every right not to want to undergo more tests. Your mother should give her space.

You can talk to your mother and ask her to stop pressing your sister about this test. Whoever agrees to take the test can share the results with her. Recommend to your mother that she support your healing sister by giving her space.

Dear Harriette: I am in my mid-20s, and my parents divorced a few years ago. I wasn’t incredibly crushed because I haven’t lived at home for years. I have come to love seeing my mother following this split. She is smiling, has beautifully decorated her apartment and appears as though life has been breathed into her. I feel guilty because I avoid seeing my father. I feel as though I can’t relate to him after the divorce. When my brother asks me why I haven’t seen our father as much, I use the excuse that I am the child and the adult should reach out. Should I feel so guilty about not seeing my father often? — Favorite Parent, Winston

Salem, North Carolina

Dear Favorite Parent: Sometimes when couples break up, one thrives and the other does not. Your father may not be happy in his life right now. While his happiness is not your responsibility, your bond with him is at least partly your duty. Make the e�ort to check in with him more often. Invite him to go out with you on occasion. You may be able to cultivate a meaningful relationship over time.