Victim mentality could stunt career growth; don’t be one
Career Moves
I find it very difficult dealing with people who have an “I am a helpless victim” view of their careers and personal lives.
I believe if you want to make things happen you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. It’s that simple.
Yet victims argue they are just playing the hand they’re dealt. They let things happen. When bad things happen, victims say “Why me?” and then point the blame at the boss, coworkers, the system, e.g. It’s easier to do that than taking the risk that goes with making choices. Easier than realizing victims cause most of their problems.
Victims always tell their stories to anyone who’ll listen. Why? While they say they want advice, they really want someone to listen to their tale and offer sympathy.
Yvonne is a librarian who took a lot of computer courses a few years ago to become the library’s certified network administrator and website developer. She absolutely loves computer-related work.
She’s been at odds with her boss for quite some time, but can’t bring herself to make a job change. She doesn’t want to leave her friends at the library. Also, she thought: “What would they do about running the computer system if I wasn’t here?” A year ago she found out. Her director assigned (demoted?) her to the reference desk and hired someone as the library’s computer guru. Yvonne got to train him.
She’s at the top of the pay scale for librarians so she can’t get a raise until next year. Yvonne’s answer to this situation was to go back to the reference desk grumbling, “I have to stick it out. I can retire in three years when I’m 55 and get a $500/ month pension check. Then I’ll move on.”
In the corporate world, with her certifications and web development experience she could easily be making twice as much as she makes at the library. Investing the net salary increase would easily outweigh a $500 monthly pension check.
The situation has affected her health, too. She’s always stressed. She’s gained 25 pounds in the past year and developed migraine headaches.
Yet she stays at the library. Why? I guess she just likes to complain about being overworked, underpaid, undervalued and unappreciated. She takes every opportunity to play the victim. She does nothing to change her situation.
Yvonne’s victim mentality extends to her home life. She married a victim. He held a sales job for 25 years, all the time complaining about how the firm just didn’t know how to maximize its opportunities. He lost that job two years ago.
He turned into a couch potato for nine months until his severance ran out. If you ask him, he says he’s self-employed as a manufacturer’s representative.
He “works” a few days per week and always finds the time and money to play golf, while Yvonne does all his paperwork because “he’s just not good with computers” (maybe that’s one reason he lost his job). He made $20,000 last year. He used to make $75,000. He mooches money from their three adult children. She worries about their financial situation, but settles for a job that pays less than half of what she could make in a comparable IT job in any corporation. Go figure.
Yvonne did finally gather the courage to ask him, “Why don’t you get a real job?” His reply: “I’m over 50, no one will hire me.” She accepted his answer. Give me a break. Good salespeople can always find a job, even if they are victims.
Yvonne and her husband will end up spending the rest of their lives doing what they do best — bemoaning their fate. What a waste of time and talent. Don’t waste yours.
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