Family needs to carefully plan for mom’s future of assisted living

My mother has been declining in health over the past year, and she just spent several weeks in the hospital. She is coming home, but my siblings and I are worried that she shouldn’t be on her own anymore. We have started to look into assisted living facilities, but when we mentioned it to our mother, she got upset. How should we begin the conversation about the future? None of us is able to take her to our homes. Either we work all the time, or we don’t have the right kind of space. She will soon need nursing care around the clock, and we can’t afford that at home.

Transitioning to the next phase of life, particularly for an elder who is not well, can be extremely difficult. Ease into the conversation. Let your mother get acclimated to her own home first. If possible, you and your siblings should spend more time with her so you can see for yourself what she can do on her own and what she cannot. Get her one of those alert necklaces that connects to 911, so that if she has an emergency, she can immediately receive help.

Start talking to her about the future. Ask her what she would like to do when she is no longer physically able to live on her own. Listen to her thoughts. If she says she wants to live with one of you, explain your circumstances clearly and with compassion. Make sure your mother knows how much you love her and that if she moves into an assisted-living facility, you will not abandon her. You want what’s best for her.

I am a boss of a new employee, James, who got “demoted” from his position at a different company before he came here. He is arrogant and believes he deserves a higher job just because of his experience. I am happy with my current rank of employees, and his supervisor is an excellent leader — a quality James does not possess. James has been frustrating me, but I want him to understand that his supervisor has earned his position, even if he’s been in the field for less time than James has.

James is still smarting from his demotion and not yet sure-footed enough to see the landscape for what it is. Your job must be to show that you maintain that his supervisor is the right person for the job and that James must honor that relationship. As the boss, you also need to work on helping James to feel at home at your company and valued for what he brings to the table.

You may want to coach the supervisor on how to talk to James to become a cheerleader. Encourage the supervisor to identify positive qualities in James and in his performance so that he can demonstrate respect for James, as he also reminds James of his duties. If James continues to behave arrogantly, the supervisor may need to admonish him formally. Probation could be required or extra training on being a team player, if your company offers such enhancements.