Getting to know someone takes some time
I recently was invited to observe the Unified Professional Theater Auditions (UPTA) at Playhouse on the Square. It sounded like fun, so Mary and I carved out a couple of hours. Every February, producers from regional theaters, cruise ships and the like, as well as aspiring actors from all over the country, descend upon Memphis in hopes of finding one another and launching the career of the next Broadway star. It is remarkable that Jackie Nichols and the team at Playhouse on the Square have made Memphis a destination for beginning an acting career. It’s very impressive.
Because hundreds of hopeful actors are auditioning, and there are only two days to work through the process, each person is given only 90 seconds to impress the producers. Just 90 seconds to show your full range of talent, from singing to Shakespeare to comedy. It cannot be easy and must be incredibly anxiety-producing. Your whole acting career might depend on whether you forget your lines or sing the wrong note.
The producers sit in the dark with clipboards and one-page summaries of each performer. The actor briefly talks to the pianist, who is seeing the music for the very first time, then steps out on the stage to begin the performance. It is remarkable what some people can accomplish in 90 seconds.
Some people were so impressive that Mary and I began forming our opinion of them in very short order. We judged how they dressed, how they walked, how their hair was cut, how they talked to the piano player. We didn’t need 90 seconds. Our minds were made up when they were halfway through their performance. “Next,” is what we thought.
When I caught myself thinking that, I was ashamed. You cannot possibly know someone in 90 seconds. Yet our entire world, it seems, believes we can judge people on far less. Social media encourages thumbs-up or thumbs-down decisions through a picture. Teenagers decide something about each other on little knowledge of a person’s character. Text messages have replaced conversations, so we rarely speak eye-to-eye with our friends. This makes it hard to actually create and maintain true friendships. Something has gone terribly wrong.
Who among us has not been wrong on a first impression? Sometimes you end up marrying a person you turned your
back on when you first met. Over the years I have tried to follow Abraham Lincoln’s advice: “I don’t like that person. I need to get to know him better.”
Popular culture seldom is right about the way we interact with others. True friendship can come only with time. Ideally, some of that time should be spent saying nothing. True friendship also demands the willingness to forgive mistakes. That doesn’t happen in 90 seconds. It also requires an openness to admit when you are wrong, an idea that has not yet developed on social media.
I am so very proud of Playhouse for making the UPTA auditions an annual event in Memphis. I’m curious whether any of the young actors I saw will make it big. But I’m pledging not to judge the people I encounter in my real life so fast and so harshly. Wisdom tells me that people are meant to be engaged slowly and with kindness. I am pledging myself to do just that.