Dis­agree­ing on hav­ing more kids

The Commercial Appeal - - Viewpoint -

My hus­band and I are at an im­passe. He wants to have a fourth child; I want to stick with three. We both have equally valid rea­son­ing for our cases, and we ac­knowl­edge each other’s points. Nei­ther of us is budg­ing. When­ever we have had dis­agree­ments in the past, we have found ways to com­pro­mise. How­ever, with this par­tic­u­lar dis­agree­ment, there is no com­pro­mise. My ques­tion is this: How do my hus­band and I come to a de­ci­sion about a mat­ter that is so blackand-white and doesn’t have a gray area?

Dear An­nie: Dear An­nie: — Stand­off in South Dakota

You and your hus­band have built a foun­da­tion of un­der­stand­ing, love and will­ing­ness to com­pro­mise — a sturdy plat­form onto which a coun­selor or spir­i­tual ad­viser could step and guide you through this. Even if one of you were to bend and give in to the other’s pref­er­ence, there could be lin­ger­ing re­sent­ment, and talk­ing it out would help clear the air. What­ever de­ci­sion you end up mak­ing, a lov­ing, nur­tur­ing fam­ily is what you both want. Keep that front of mind and you will have it.

Dear Stand­off in South Dakota:

This is a plea for adults to see their par­ents as they are to­day and try to get be­yond the past. I am the mother of five chil­dren and have one son who wants to have al­most noth­ing to do with me. He doesn’t al­low me to spend time with my 1-year-old grand­daugh­ter. He always says they have some­where to go or some­thing to do, but I know they can’t be go­ing ev­ery mo­ment of ev­ery day. They bought a home lit­er­ally a minute away from mine, which makes this even harder.

His fa­ther and I di­vorced when the chil­dren were young. I ad­mit we stayed to­gether longer than we should. I know the bad mar­riage and di­vorce hurt ev­ery­one, and half of that was me. I have a won­der­ful re­la­tion­ship with my other chil­dren, and I haven’t stopped try­ing with my son.

For any read­ers out there who har­bor anger or have is­sues with a par­ent: Please take the time to look at your par­ents to­day and re­al­ize they are hu­man and make mis­takes. Think about how much they must love you to be hurt over and over again but never give up. Talk to them and tell them how you feel. Par­ents can’t read minds, and you’d be sur­prised how much they’d like to talk to you.

For­give­ness is such a great gift. I hope your read­ers will try to look at things dif­fer­ently and give their par­ents a chance.

— Never Stop Lov­ing Them

For­give­ness is in­deed a gift we give our­selves. Though it’s hard, I en­cour­age you to keep al­low­ing your son the space he needs. Give the prob­lem over to God and let prayer lessen the pain. I hope that in time, he comes around.

Dear Never Stop Lov­ing Them:

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