Disagreeing on having more kids

My husband and I are at an impasse. He wants to have a fourth child; I want to stick with three. We both have equally valid reasoning for our cases, and we acknowledge each other’s points. Neither of us is budging. Whenever we have had disagreements in the past, we have found ways to compromise. However, with this particular disagreement, there is no compromise. My question is this: How do my husband and I come to a decision about a matter that is so blackand-white and doesn’t have a gray area?

Dear Annie: Dear Annie: — Standoff in South Dakota

You and your husband have built a foundation of understanding, love and willingness to compromise — a sturdy platform onto which a counselor or spiritual adviser could step and guide you through this. Even if one of you were to bend and give in to the other’s preference, there could be lingering resentment, and talking it out would help clear the air. Whatever decision you end up making, a loving, nurturing family is what you both want. Keep that front of mind and you will have it.

Dear Standoff in South Dakota:

This is a plea for adults to see their parents as they are today and try to get beyond the past. I am the mother of five children and have one son who wants to have almost nothing to do with me. He doesn’t allow me to spend time with my 1-year-old granddaughter. He always says they have somewhere to go or something to do, but I know they can’t be going every moment of every day. They bought a home literally a minute away from mine, which makes this even harder.

His father and I divorced when the children were young. I admit we stayed together longer than we should. I know the bad marriage and divorce hurt everyone, and half of that was me. I have a wonderful relationship with my other children, and I haven’t stopped trying with my son.

For any readers out there who harbor anger or have issues with a parent: Please take the time to look at your parents today and realize they are human and make mistakes. Think about how much they must love you to be hurt over and over again but never give up. Talk to them and tell them how you feel. Parents can’t read minds, and you’d be surprised how much they’d like to talk to you.

Forgiveness is such a great gift. I hope your readers will try to look at things differently and give their parents a chance.

— Never Stop Loving Them

Forgiveness is indeed a gift we give ourselves. Though it’s hard, I encourage you to keep allowing your son the space he needs. Give the problem over to God and let prayer lessen the pain. I hope that in time, he comes around.

Dear Never Stop Loving Them: