Old trans­gres­sion is fresh wound

The Commercial Appeal - - Viewpoint -

My hus­band, “Matthew,” and I started dat­ing at 15, got mar­ried at 21 and have been hap­pily mar­ried for 45 years.

But some­thing came up one night six months ago, when my hus­band’s old room­mate, “Will,” called. We were telling those “re­mem­ber when” sto­ries, when Will said, “Ask Matthew if he re­mem­bers the night I ac­ci­den­tally walked in on him and Tina sound asleep lying naked on his wa­terbed!”

We were on speak­er­phone, and when my hus­band heard this com­ment, it looked like he was about to fall through the floor. I im­me­di­ately said, “Oh, sure, Matthew told me all about that, but I’ve for­got­ten the ex­act de­tails.” Will pro­ceeded to ex­plain that he had picked up a cou­ple of girls and brought them to the house. When it was time for Will to take the girls home, he knocked on the door but there was no an­swer. That is when he dis­cov­ered the two asleep, un­clothed, on the bed.

Matthew and I were engaged at the time. I had al­ways trusted Matthew and thought that I had been his only sex­ual part­ner. Life the last six months be­tween us has not been good. He swears to me he did not have sex with her, but when I ques­tion him about de­tails his re­ply is: “I don’t re­mem­ber.” I would ap­pre­ci­ate your take on this mat­ter. I’ll be wait­ing for your an­swer, as I feel it will be to go to coun­sel­ing.

Dear Annie: — To Let It Go or Not

One fool­ish, reck­less night does not negate the love you and your hus­band have shared for 50 years — but you’ve been deeply hurt. Though this happened a long time ago, to you it’s a fresh wound. Know­ing the de­tails of their en­counter won’t give you peace of mind. But as you men­tioned, talk­ing out your con­cerns with a marriage coun­selor could help a great deal. The sooner you make that call, the sooner you and your hus­band can put this be­hind you and per­haps feel closer than ever.

Dear To Let It Go or Not:

It seems bach­e­lor par­ties have turned into mon­ey­mak­ing events. My 23-yearold son has been in­vited to many of them lately. Grooms hold gam­bling nights or raf­fles to off­set the cost of the hon­ey­moon. I would not have a prob­lem with this, but my son gets in­vited to these events when he’s not even in­vited to the wed­ding. I was un­der the im­pres­sion that if you are in­vited to the prewed­ding fes­tiv­i­ties you are also in­vited to the wed­ding. Am I just old-fash­ioned?

Dear Annie: Dear Nancy in Ohio: — Nancy in Ohio

Wed­dings have changed a lot in the last few decades, but etiquette re­mains im­por­tant — and invit­ing some­one to a prewed­ding event but not to the wed­ding itself is a ma­jor breach of etiquette. If your son won’t be a guest at the wed­ding, he should not feel pres­sured to at­tend the bach­e­lor party, pe­riod.

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