Spouse can’t stop mak­ing eyes

The Commercial Appeal - - Front Page -

My hus­band of 45 years and I are at our wits’ end. We have seen coun­selors and even tried hyp­no­sis, to no avail. I am not able to stop look­ing at men sex­u­ally.

I have had this prob­lem all my life. A lot of the times, I don’t re­mem­ber even look­ing; my hus­band points it out to me. I wink and look at them be­low the belt to get them to hit on me, and I get turned on by this. I ig­nore my hus­band and tune him out. I’m in my own lit­tle world. I shut out every­thing and ev­ery­one else around me ex­cept my vic­tim.

This has be­come a hor­ri­ble habit. It has to stop. My hus­band has been very pa­tient with me over the years, but now has given up on me. I feel worth­less and of­ten don’t want to live any­more. He can never trust me again. He is afraid to go any­where with me. Please help!

Dear An­nie:

You’ve tried ther­apy be­fore, and now it is time to try again. If you didn’t feel that the pre­vi­ous coun­selors were a good fit, do not hes­i­tate to ask your pri­mary care doc­tor for other rec­om­men­da­tions. Even if a ther­a­pist can’t fix the prob­lem, he or she can at least pro­vide sup­port, which you very much need right now. Lastly, I must im­plore you not to hurt your­self — and if you feel that you might, call 911 or the Sui­cide Pre­ven­tion Life­line (800-273-8255).

Dear Des­per­ate: — Des­per­ate in Mon­tana

I read the col­umn about “Jenna,” who is a hoarder, and how ter­ri­ble the con­di­tions of her house have be­come. At first, I had noth­ing but sym­pa­thy for that sit­u­a­tion, but I thought about how the let­ter men­tioned that this woman has two nearly grown kids. It is dif­fi­cult for me to fathom how these teenage chil­dren, de­spite their mother’s prob­lems, haven’t learned how to clear the ta­ble, wash the dishes, clean the lit­ter box, put out some pest poi­son, do the laun­dry or sweep out the fe­ces. This is what I have a prob­lem with. If they could not learn to do these things, then what have they learned at all? I learned how to do chores when I was 7 years old, in­clud­ing wash­ing dishes and house­clean­ing. On my own, I learned to help my mother do things when she was too busy do­ing other things. I’m sorry I am not more sym­pa­thetic, but for these con­di­tions to ex­ist even with teenage chil­dren, I just don’t un­der­stand it.

Dear An­nie:

You can­not ex­pect chil­dren who grow up in a hoarder home to de­velop good house­keep­ing skills. Ad­di­tion­ally, hoard­ers tend to hold tightly to a sense of con­trol over their sur­round­ings. (Never mind how out of con­trol the sit­u­a­tion looks to ev­ery­one else.) It’s very pos­si­ble that these chil­dren have tried clean­ing up their home but were met with Mom’s re­sis­tance. So though I com­mend you for help­ing out around the house as a child, I wouldn’t be so quick to judge these kids.

Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie@cre­ators.com. To find out more about An­nie Lane visit the Cre­ators Syn­di­cate web­site at www. cre­ators.com.

Dear James: — James

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