Cou­ple have dif­fer­ent pri­or­i­ties

The Commercial Appeal - - Front Page -

My hus­band and I have just re­tired, and I’m be­gin­ning to worry about our per­son­al­ity dif­fer­ences.

We live in the same town as our chil­dren and grand­chil­dren. I love to help out with baby-sit­ting and car­pool­ing. I love my chil­dren and grand­chil­dren and en­joy be­ing a part of their lives. I have friends who like to meet for lunch and club meet­ings, and I vol­un­teer some, too. In short, I keep busy.

My hus­band doesn’t have any­thing much to do or many friends. And he doesn’t seem as into be­ing a grand­par­ent as I am. He never misses the grand­kids when we are away trav­el­ing. He’s grumpy.

I think that be­ing a grand­par­ent is an im­por­tant part of grand­chil­dren’s lives. Plus it’s such a bless­ing to be with them. I want them to know we love them and care about them.

I have hinted at all of these feel­ings a thou­sand times to my hus­band, but he just doesn’t get it. I’m los­ing hope. The grand­kids may look back one day and re­mem­ber his lack of af­fec­tion and in­ter­est. Is there any­thing I can do? that you want to be a team with him, and say it’s hard to be a team un­less you both com­mit. You can start small, ask­ing him to pick one day a week when to­gether you will fo­cus on the grand­chil­dren for some part of the day. En­cour­age his par­tic­i­pa­tion by fo­cus­ing on what he does do in­stead of what he doesn’t.

“Su­san­nah” and I have been friends on and off for over 30 years. She lives in a town that is ap­prox­i­mately 75 miles from where I live. The prob­lem is I am tired of be­ing the one who keeps in touch. The most re­cent time I com­plained via email about that, she ad­mit­ted that she had been “neg­li­gent,” and I agreed. Un­for­tu­nately, I haven’t heard from her in two months. Should I con­tinue to keep the friend­ship go­ing or let it die?

Your sig­na­ture says it all: Friend­ship is a two-way street, and your lane is look­ing worse for wear. Al­low some dis­tance to grow be­tween you and her and see what she does to tra­verse it. If six months or a year from now she con­tacts you, let your heart tell you whether it wants to open up to her. Don’t ig­nore her out of pride or as a pun­ish­ment. Thirty years of friend­ship can’t be cast aside hastily.

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