Grand­chil­dren need guide­lines

The Commercial Appeal - - Front Page -

Our daughter, hus­band and fam­ily moved in to a small house next door to us as they both work, and their liv­ing close to us en­ables us to keep an eye out for their three daugh­ters, ages 11, 11 and 15. Un­til they get two bed­rooms built on the cot­tage, the 15-year-old and one of the 11-year-olds will use our spare bed­room to sleep in. My hus­band gets up­set over their bring­ing friends home and do­ing the typ­i­cal stuff chil­dren this age do. He re­ally gets up­set if their friends are of the op­po­site sex.

When my (now adult) son was a teenager, my hus­band al­lowed him to have girls stay in his room, yet he would throw a fit if his sis­ter (the mother of these girls we are talk­ing about) even had a boy over watch­ing a movie.

He would ac­tu­ally call her deroga­tory names. Now we have a 16-year-old son, whom he lets do what­ever he wants. I’m the only dis­ci­plinar­ian for him, but even then, my hus­band will over­ride me.

Now my ques­tion is to your read­ers. Do par­ents let their teens stay the night at the house of some­one of the op­po­site sex? It seems to be the norm around this area nowadays. My daughter lets the girls have mixed com­pany and re­quires that the boys sleep in one area and the girls in an­other. My hus­band says this is not so. So I want to hear opin­ions from your read­ers on this.

I am not com­fort­able with ei­ther my 16-year-old son or my grand­daugh­ters sleep­ing in the same room with mem­bers of the op­po­site sex, but sep­a­rate rooms and nightly checks by adults are fine with me.

Let me get this straight: Your hus­band called your daughter a deroga­tory name be­cause a boy watched a movie with her at your house and then went home, but he let your son do any­thing he wanted?

You need to have a se­ri­ous pri­vate talk with him and set down guide­lines for your grand­chil­dren that treat boys and girls equally. As for co-ed sleep­overs, I’m in agree­ment with you. Un­til they are 18 and liv­ing on their own, I would say that sleep­overs should stay sin­gle-sex.

How­ever, you asked for opin­ions and facts from our read­ers, so I am as cu­ri­ous as you to see the feed­back.

I just read the col­umn about the woman who com­pul­sively looks at men. She de­scribes go­ing into a kind of trance in which she be­comes to­tally un­aware of oth­ers, much to her dis­tress and her hus­band’s dis­may.

For many years, I was a prac­tic­ing psy­chother­a­pist, and I have seen many peo­ple ex­pe­ri­ence pro­found changes as a re­sult of their work with a ther­a­pist. How­ever, I think this woman needs to have a neu­ro­log­i­cal work-up.

What she is ex­pe­ri­enc­ing re­minds me of a client of mine who had a seizure dis­or­der. When it was treated, my client was able to man­age her life extremely well and use ther­apy to en­rich it even more. Thank you for the med­i­cal in­sight. Per­haps it will save a life.

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