Are expensive gifts for young women acceptable?

HOROSCOPES By Judith Martin and Nicholas Ivor Martin

ARIES (March 21-April 19). Many scientists believe that in human evolution, the ability to communicate musically came before the ability to use complex speech. Today’s balm and pleasure will be a piece of music that seems to take you to a primal place. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Someone has disappointed you. You may relegate this person to a lower status in your mind and heart and offer up less attention than you would have before. Maybe it’s what you need to do to heal. But is it a just punishment? GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The day will roll out on wheels of complex beliefs and tendencies. The spiritual part of you will be looking to science for a guide to reality, and the scientific part of you will turn to the spiritual for meaning. CANCER (June 22-July 22). You’re drawn to the same thing as others. Among them will be kindred spirits. You’ll only know that if you open up, start shaking hands, talking and asking questions. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). That thing you once thought was disastrous is now a rather trivial matter, or maybe even a fond story. You might find this comforting, as something that’s really bugging you now won’t seem so big tomorrow. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Something you thought you needed to do never got done at all, and the consequences have been largely unnoticeable. Decide today if such things really matter to you, or if they can safely be left out of your repertoire. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Slow things down so that you can deliberately pay attention to your sensory experience of them. Otherwise, the fun will be like a short and expensive carnival ride instead of like a day at the fair. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You can identify what a feeling is without attaching your identity to it. You can accept a feeling without acting on it. You can feel a feeling instead of fighting it. These are all power moves. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You get to choose how you engage with the world, which includes the choice not to engage, too. To push pause in the face of stimuli coming from all directions – this is a kind of freedom. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). There’s a point at which altruism becomes excessive altruism. Altruism involves giving what you have to give, not giving until it puts you in a precarious and needy position. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Ideally, spiritual seeking will connect you with a power source that is already inside you. Beware of those who would rather Have you believe that the power can only be accessed through the shelter of their particular group. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Even though you think you understand what’s going on, talk to all people involved anyway and you’ll learn more. You’ll find out what each party wants so you can broker a plan that will allow you to work happily together.

Dear Miss Manners: A friend of mine told me that her 19-year-old daughter had received a gift (on no special occasion) of a Tiffany necklace and pendant from a man she had been dating for two months.

My immediate reaction is that my mother would have made me return such a gift as inappropriate. My friend doesn’t see this as a problem, and I can’t find anyone else who understands my mother’s rule on the subject. Is it outdated now?

Gentle Reader: Speaking of outdated – is it possible, in the light of recent public revelations, that the mother of a teenager believes that there are no strings attached to such a present?

Of course, she should have known anyway. But Miss Manners presumes that the “outdating” that you suggest refers to the naive belief that all relations between the genders should be carefree, and that power – in this case in the form of money – is not a factor. Surely that has been dispelled.

Dear Miss Manners: We are invited to a formal wedding. It will be a fun evening. I was thinking of wearing a white dinner jacket. My wife says “no,” and that I should stick with black and not stand out.

She’s probably right, but I still think it would be fun to wear white. What do you think of white dinner jackets, in general?

Gentle Reader: That they are fine for waiters and band members with summer engagements. And that “fun” is not a proper guideline for a gentleman’s appearance.

Dear Miss Manners: Is it rude to not return a “hi” to a co-worker who has abused you terribly?

Gentle Reader: Technically, the “cut direct,” as this is known, is recognized within the manners realm as an extreme weapon. It means that the person is not recognized as being in the world of civilized behavior. If Hitler tries to shake hands with you, you turn your back and walk away.

You should know that a lesser weapon is possible, which is to respond coldly and curtly. This would seem better in regard to people with whom you still have to work. But as you have not told Miss Manners the nature of the abuse you suffered, she does not know if the nuclear weapon is justified.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106

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