Responding to dissatisfied gift recipients

Dear Miss Manners: I took a friend to lunch to celebrate her birthday, and received an email thanking me even though “the food wasn’t very good.”

As an anniversary gift, I gave a couple theater tickets for a play I know they very much wanted to see. They sent a note saying how much they appreciated the gesture, even though they “wished the seats had been closer to the stage.”

How would you respond to such critiques?

Gentle Reader: “I’m so sorry you were disappointed. I will not be running the risk of disappointing you again.”

Dear Miss Manners: It used to be that a wedding was a simple event. The bride had a shower, which the maid of honor hostessed. And then there was the wedding.

Now, there is an engagement party, the bachelorette party, the shower, the bridal luncheon and the wedding – also spa day, professional hair and makeup, etc.

My daughter is getting married and it feels like a nine-month event. Her plans are to have a bachelorette party in a city seven hours away.

When I suggested that the bridesmaids be given an idea of the cost, she became high-handed and told me that the party is about her and that I am trying to “nickel and dime” her wedding – which is swiftly following her graduation – five years of tuition not yet repaid.

I consider that letting bridesmaids know the approximate cost of the party prior to making definitive plans would be common courtesy. I am concerned how much brides now carry an attitude of entitlement for what has become “The Wedding Show,” possibly losing the honor of the actual marriage. Am I wrong?

Gentle Reader: To take into consideration the feelings and practical circumstances of those who were supposedly chosen for their friendship?

You are at least unusual, by your own account and that of exploited bridesmaids, many of whom have complained to Miss Manners.

And then there is the poor bridegroom. Has anyone warned him what to expect of life with someone with elaborate plans to honor herself at others’ expense?

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

By Judith Martin and Nicholas Ivor Martin