Sister gets an unwanted visit

Dear Harriette: My sister recently had surgery. It was an emergency surgery, so everything happened quickly.

When she was in the hospital, one of the things she asked me was to not let my dad bring his girlfriend. They do not get along, and my sister didn’t see the need for his girlfriend to be there. I told my dad this over and over again, but he kept bringing his girlfriend into the hospital room where my sister was.

I did not want to cause a scene because my sister was still recovering, but I think what he did was selfish. How do I bring up this conversation and my dad’s actions in the right way?

— Unwanted Hospital Visit, Seattle

Dear Unwanted Hospital Visit: Ask your father if you can get together to talk. Tell him how selfish and unkind you thought he was to directly ignore your sister’s request for his girlfriend NOT to come to the hospital. Tell him that you want to have a healthy relationship with him, but he is making it difficult by not honoring your sister’s wishes.

It is probably tough for him to tell his girlfriend to stay away. What this points to is the need for a heart-to-heart with him and your sister. What is the issue with his girlfriend? You need to spell it out. Don’t expect your father to walk away from her. Instead, ask him to respect your boundaries.

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