‘Honey, I only kissed the saleswoman to be gracious!’

Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend and I went to the shoe store to return a pair of shoes he bought that were too small. He was a little nervous about it. It all went well, and he was able to get them in a larger size.

As we left, he thanked the saleswoman and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

I’m thinking this is inappropriate. Am I wrong? I know he was just trying to be gracious.

Gentle Reader: Let us suppose that it had been your unaccompanied father exchanging shoes, and then expressing his satisfaction with the transaction by kissing the saleswoman.

Would you even be asking this question?

Miss Manners is guessing that you would be too occupied trying to explain to the police that this was only his way of saying “thank you.” Perhaps if the report were being taken by a female police officer, he could express his thanks to her as well.

Dear Miss Manners: I am a widow, and find it quite distressing when I receive mail addressed to me as “Mrs. John Doe.” Since I am no longer married, what is the proper address? I hate the term Ms., and I usually just use my first name and (married) last name when signing correspondence.

Other times, I receive mail addressed to my first and last name with Mrs. as the title. Since I’m not married to myself, this seems incorrect. I’m at a loss as to how to ask people to address me. I have other widow friends who are also wondering the same. Gentle Reader: “Mrs. John Doe” is the traditional form for a widow, which is now grandmothered in for those who prefer it, but inappropriate for use in the professional world.

“Mrs. Lily Doe” is a common, if admittedly puzzling, variation generally associated with divorcees.

The revival of “Ms.,” a centuries-old abbreviation of “mistress” – a title that used to be respectable and universally applied regardless of marital status, in the way that “mister” still applies to males – was supposed to solve the issue.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com.

By Judith Martin and Nicholas Ivor Martin