Memphis mother helps others after son’s suicide
The Mitchell family partook in their regular routines on an April night in 2007 — Mark was working at FedEx and Kerry went to bed.
During the night, Memphis Police Department’s officers knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. Kerry was sound asleep and her husband was at work, so the officers posted a note on the door.
At 4 a.m., Mark arrived home from work and picked up the note, which said, “Call the Hendersonville Police Department.” Knowing a Democratic sweep would kill agenda, Trump hits campaign trail.
Kerry and Mark were unsure why they needed to call, but they did not think anything was wrong.
Mark dialed the number and spoke with an officer who informed him of the tragic news — James, Kerry and Mark’s 23-year-old son, had died by suicide.
After the call, Mark approached Kerry in the bedroom and told her what happened.
“It was the most excruciating and vivid time that I could imagine and the worst possible thing I could imagine,” Kerry said. “It was like I was hitting a wall. I could not believe that my son had done that. I truly
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Shelby County mayor-elect Lee Harris unveils transition team. thought there was a burglar or something or there was a mistake. I didn’t believe it.”
James was Kerry and Mark’s first-born child. He struggled through school and hated going, but received encouragement from his family to finish.
Kerry was a teacher at the elementary school he attended and motivated him to complete school.
“We got him through high school and after he graduated he got a great job with Three States Supply Company and seemed to be doing really
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well,” Kerry said.
James received a promotion with his job and moved to Hendersonville, about 20 miles outside Nashville. He loved hockey and the Nashville Predators, so the city seemed fitting for him.
“He was a happy child, but he had his moments where he had some sadness and it was not anything that we thought was more than hormones or the teenage years,” Kerry said. “A year and a half after he moved there was when he completed suicide. He was away from his family, and I think being alone and away from his family had something to do with it. I just feel like he couldn’t cope with the issues that he had in his life.”
James never attempted suicide or mentioned thoughts of taking his life, so Kerry was blindsided and shocked by his death. As time went by, Kerry decided it was time to talk to others who experienced what she was enduring. Taking it day by day
Several Mid-South churches host grief support groups for those who have lost a loved one to suicide — Church of Christ at White Station is one of them.
“He died on April 23 and that summer was the first time that a group met in Memphis, which was the Healing Hearts Suicide Grief Support Group,” Kerry said. “A person who was involved with the group urged me to come, so I was able to go to that group when it first started. For a couple of years, all I could do was feed off of other people, in terms of helping myself deal with the grief of losing my child.”
A few years went by, and Kerry stirred up the courage to share her son’s story and help others cope with their losses.
“After a few years of getting stronger, I felt like I was in a place where I could help some other people who were dealing with the same thing,” Kerry said. “I went through a little bit of training to become a facilitator for the Healing Hearts Suicide Grief Support Group, and I have done that for six years now.”
The group meets from 6:30-8:30 p.m. the third Thursday of every month.
Aside from joining a grief support group, Kerry used other coping mechanisms to deal with James’ death.
“For myself, I found that getting back into a routine was good. A lot of people struggle with that, but for me, as hard as it was to get up and do it, I found it was so much better when I did,” Kerry said.
“When I went back to work, I was able to totally not think about my loss for a while and to be able to focus on something else. It was almost a relief because it was so exhausting while dealing with the grief of my son.”
Kerry has also spoken to groups about suicide awareness and prevention and at Hope Church’s “Saving Lives in Memphis Shelby County” conference, which is sponsored by the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network. As a Sherwood Elementary School teacher, she has used her platform to inform faculty members about behaviors and risk factors that may be present in children.
Psychologist Doreen Marshall said discussing mental health and suicide awareness and prevention is essential.
“It’s important for schools to address mental health,” said Marshall, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s vice president of programs. “Kids who bully and kids who are bullied are at higher risks of mental health issues, so it’s important to take a look at the things that are driving those risks.”
According to Marshall, some risk factors that may be present in children are: withdrawal from activities he or she once enjoyed, behavior changes, irritability, anger, sleep problems, appetite changes, rage or anger not proportional to situations, and attempts to harm themselves.
A 2016 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention study found that unintentional injury is the leading cause of death among ages 10-24, with suicide as the second-leading cause.
In some cases, bullying has been cited as the underlying cause of suicide among children, but some medical experts believe there are other contributing factors.
“I believe that bullying has played a part, but not as big as media would portray. I believe a lot of suicide attempts have more to do with the youth’s mental health,” said Shelonda Phillips-McDonald, a Memphis therapist and clinical social worker.
Marshall said the discussion of mental health within households can make a difference.
“It’s important for parents, teachers and coaches to be educated about mental health and aware of when they should be concerned about a child,” Marshall said. “It’s also important that parents keep their homes safe by securing firearms and medications.” Being a voice for others
In addition to advocating for suicide awareness and prevention, Kerry has honored her son in other ways.
Every fall, Kerry participates in the annual Out of the Darkness Memphis Mid-South Walk, which raises awareness and funds that allow the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to invest in new research, create educational programs, advocate for public policy and support survivors of suicide loss.
“We each have a team and we honor our loved one by naming it after them and we try to raise money,” Kerry said. “All the money stays local, in terms of helping us with suicide awareness and prevention programs here in the Memphis area.”
Memphis Mid-South’s Out of Darkness Walk has raised more than $3,500 of its $65,000 goal, according to its website. The walk is open to suicide survivors, supporters of suicide prevention and awareness, and individuals who battle with depression and/or suicidal thoughts.
Kerry said it is necessary for families to talk to and help their children who are battling depression and suicidal thoughts.
“Be aware and don’t brush it off. If they say it, believe that they are thinking about it,” Kerry said. “Always stay alert and be aware that it’s serious because it’s usually a call for help.”
Kimberly Atkins, a clinical social worker and therapist, said open and honest conversations can possibly decrease the rate of suicide.
“The numbers of suicide may decrease when we have an open conversation about depression, grief, and suicide,” Atkins said. “This will teach our children from example that we cannot go through life alone, and we need each other to get through.”
Atkins founded Mind Renewals Inc., which is located in Memphis and hosts groups that discuss grief, loss, and depression and helps participants develop goals that promote stress management and coping development.
During Kerry’s grieving process, she and her family expressed their emotions and thoughts among each other, which helped them grow as a unit.
“We talked to one another and having a very supportive family and church helped. It’s always good to talk about your loved one also and to not ignore that they existed,” Kerry said. “In my group, we talk about how losing someone to suicide is like another layer of grief, and it really helps if you can talk to someone who has experienced the same thing you have.”
Kerry hopes her story and experience can empower those who have lost a loved one to suicide.
“You can live on and experience joy and happiness again. You have to learn how to incorporate this event in your life,” Kerry said. “Find some way to honor their memory or make a difference in the cause of suicide awareness and prevention. In addition, talking about your grief with a mental health professional, family member, friend or another suicide survivor is beneficial.”