Why do politicians feel the need to lie to us, about each other?
Arun Gandhi, a former Memphian and grandson of M.K. Gandhi, once told me and a small gathering of friends that he lied to his father when he was 16 about why he was late picking his dad up.
It was a typical lie for a child, nothing malicious, not covering up bad behavior, just ashamed he had misjudged the time. His father immediately knew it was a lie – he had already heard the truth from another adult.
Arun’s father ordered him to stop the car and then said, “You have just lied to me. There must be something wrong in our relationship for you to feel you have to lie to me. So I’m going to discipline myself and seek to understand what my part is in this lie. I’m going to walk home.”
He got out of the car and walked home 13 miles. Arun drove behind his dad at pedestrian pace the whole way home.
“While I drove behind him I vowed to never lie to my father again. And I
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didn’t,” Arun said.
Hearing this story helped solidify for me a conviction that punishment is not as helpful as the discipline of asking searching inward questions.
I want to suggest that we need to address our part in the bad, immature behavior that is accompanying political campaigns. Our President chronically lies to us and candidates for public office and their supporters stretch the truth in ways that are obvious attempts to smear the opposing candidate and scare the public.
Let’s ask ourselves that Gandhian question: What is wrong in our relationship with these candidates that makes them feel they have to lie to us, smear their opponents, and scare us into voting against someone?
I have gone for a number of walks searching my soul for what I might be doing to contribute to this ugliness. What little I can see is that I am more apt to argue than to listen, more inclined to speak in anger than to be in dialogue, and I’m afraid of these im- pulses enough to do my best to avoid those I might disagree with. I’m scared that we can’t just talk, that it will turn into a verbal fight, something I do not want.
I want my inner peace back. I want to listen to other opinions than my own. I want to laugh at the folly that says we are incorrigibly different. I want to be friends, not enemies.
I don’t think I’m alone in my repulsion at negative campaigning and chronic lying. I sincerely believe that the common American is just as concerned about morality and civility as money and power.
So I am asking you, my fellow Americans, to let our leaders know that we do not like this. Instead of lies, we want to hear the truth. Instead of character assassinations we want civil discourse. Instead of playing to our fears, we want leaders who stay calm and confident, kind and resolute.
Please help me speak up against incivility and dishonesty. Our country deserves better.
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Dr. Ron McDonald is a pastoral counselor and professor at Church Health and Memphis Theological Seminary.