Friends celebrate Kilzer’s life, legacy
John Kilzer spent most of his life performing. Whether it was playing on the basketball court, teaching in the classroom, singing on the stage or preaching from the pulpit, Kilzer commanded crowds and enraptured audiences with a rare combination of tenacity and tenderness, heart and humanity and, most of all, a devotion to whatever his mission happened to be.
On Monday, Kilzer received his final ovation as hundreds of friends, fans and followers packed the pews of St. John’s United Methodist Church in Midtown Memphis to say goodbye during an emotional memorial service that celebrated the many lives he’d led and the many more he touched.
Kilzer — a Memphis Tigers basketball standout, college professor, acclaimed singer-songwriter and pastor — died last week at the age of 62. Kilzer had struggled for years with alcoholism before getting sober in 2000, then devoted his life to the church and helping others as a recovery minister. Earlier “John was there in church. John was there in jail. John was there in the workplace, in the streets, he was there in the hospital, he was there in the clinic. John was there in the treatment center, and John was there in the drug court. And John was there when there was absolutely no one to call or no one else who would answer a call.” Brad Martin
this month, Kilzer relapsed in his battle with the disease.
Last week, he checked into the Hazelden Betty Ford treatment center in Minnesota, where he died from suicide on March 12.
News of his death was met with shock, and a deep outpouring over the past week that heard Kilzer eulogized everywhere from local talk radio to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives.
By the time of Monday’s memorial service — an hour-plus, music-filled ceremony — shock and sadness had given way to the same message of hope that Kilzer had long preached during his weekly recovery ministry, “The Way.”
Kilzer's friend Brad Martin recalled his dedication to the addicts and recovering addicts he served.
“John was there in church. John was there in jail. John was there in the workplace, in the streets, he was there in the hospital, he was there in the clinic. John was there in the treatment center, and John was there in the drug court,” Martin said. “And John was there when there was absolutely no one to call or no one else who would answer a call.”
Martin noted Kilzer’s recovery ministry “persevered through pain and hardship and was a blessing to those who might have otherwise been forgotten and shamed."
Martin observed that the work of "The Way" would carry on. “We’re going to continue to serve and be there for those looking for a message of hope and recovery — because, as John said so many times, ‘We love you and there’s nothing you can do about it.’ And, John, we will love you forever and there is nothing you can do about it," said Martin.
Reading a passage from scripture, longtime St. John's minister Brad Thomas spoke of Kilzer’s reward, of how he was now in the arms of God. “My prayer for you, John, is that in his embrace you have met at last, face to face, with your higher power,” Thomas said, “and in that meeting experienced the ultimate healing of your broken heart and had your most bitter tears wiped from your eyes, for the very last time.”
Church Health center founder Dr. Scott Morris recalled the great stature of the 6-foot-6-inch Kilzer. Hugging the towering Kilzer was always awkward “because you just sort of ended up resting your head on his chest,” Morris noted to appreciative laughter.
Recalling him as “a big man with a fragile spirit,” Morris quoted a lyric from Kilzer’s song “Sleeping in the Rain": “I don’t drink because I want to/i drink because of pain.”
"As someone who relieved pain for so many of us, how could we know how deep his pain was?” Morris said.
“He believed in praying for those who no one else was praying for, because he felt he’d been there himself. But John felt shame in his relapse, and he believed that we would not have been understood. “He was wrong.” Johnny Jeffords, lead pastor of St. John’s, said, “Sometimes those of us who lead, it’s not that we don’t believe what we preach … but when we have forgotten to keep doing the work, our spirits can be blinded to a truth — that you were going to love John and there was nothing he could do about it.
“So, this morning, in the face of big pain, but with conviction and assurance of all that I am and all that I believe, up in (heaven) this day there is a distinctive Memphis groove going on. And the one to whom John vowed his life, for whom he lived in ministry, is going to figure out how to hug him. And he’s going to say, ‘John I’m gonna love you and there’s nothing, nothing… there is nothing you can do about it.’”