‘Sexting’ crosses a line for online dating site member
Dear Miss Manners: I have found myself in an odd position concerning text messages.
I am a member of an online dating site. So far, it hasn’t gone well. A few days ago, a gentleman contacted me, and we chatted through the website. He asked me on a date, and I accepted, and suggested we exchange phone numbers, which we did.
We began a long (too long for my taste) string of text exchanges, discussing our lives, work and entertainment. These are things I wanted to save for discussion during a face-to-face meeting. However, I understood his assertion of wanting to understand “what makes me tick,” as he put it. I finally told him, “I will have to say goodnight” after several hours. We kept the date; we seem to have much in common and I was looking forward to meeting.
The next evening, he texted me again, asking me what I was doing. I was painting my nails, so I responded, “I’m painting my nails.” He replied that he loved nice fingernails. I told him I was surprised men cared. He then went on to describe how much men do like nails, and he began a series of messages that described erotic uses for said nails.
I was flummoxed. I haven’t met the gentleman, much less want to engage in sexual banter with him. Not knowing how to respond, I texted: “Well, that’s weird.” He immediately responded “Sorry!” and ceased all communication.
I’ve obviously caused him embarrassment, but my reaction was honest: I found his text to be presumptuous and grossly premature. It put me in the position of fumbling for words that would save face for him, yet communicate my distaste.
Am I a prude? Which party should resolve the situation? What is the proper response to overly sexual communications from a stranger? I should add that I’m 58, and he is older as well. My generation certainly isn’t known for its lack of inhibition, but I find myself not knowing how to proceed, either with the gentleman in question or future would-be suitors.
Gentle Reader: Not in this case. Miss Manners would think it alarmingly clear that one should cut off communication with someone whose idea of getting to know a stranger is to sext her.
By Judith Martin and Nicholas Ivor Martin UNIVERSAL UCLICK