Reader explodes over small slight

Dear Harriette: About a week ago, I invited a friend of mine to hang out with me. We planned the day out and everything. Then, completely last-minute, my friend canceled on me. At that point, I don’t know what became of me; I exploded. I was so angry for no apparent reason and said some nasty stuff to my friend. I realized my mistake and apologized immediately. Luckily, we are still good friends, but I don’t know why I would get so angry over nothing. I am scared that I might not be able to control my anger in the future. What can I do so that I won’t explode again?

— Super Angry Dear Super Angry: Before you beat yourself up, take a moment to review what happened. You and your friend planned a day together. It’s not like you planned something and forced it on the person. What was your friend’s reason for canceling? Clearly you were looking forward to getting together with this person. It hurt your feelings that your special day was dashed. Perhaps it was extreme to go off on your friend, but it sounds like it is not without some cause.

Yes, it is good to control your emotions, but I wouldn’t be so fast to convince yourself that you got angry “for nothing.” Being dumped for the day is something. Acknowledge that and accept that it is natural for you to be disappointed, if not also upset. In the future, you can decide not to retaliate in the moment with venomous words. But it is OK to let a person know that you don’t appreciate the change at the last minute, especially if the reason doesn’t seem legitimate.

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