MISS MANNERS Tipping in the medical world
Dear Miss Manners: To treat my chronic pain, my doctor has prescribed massage therapy once a week. The doctor’s office contains all the treatment rooms necessary, including a massage room.
On the bookshelf in this room is a small sign reading, “Tips accepted gratefully, but not required.”
Am I missing something here? When I was raised, back in the Pleistocene era, one did not tip medical personnel. Has this changed?
Gentle Readers: What has changed is that solvent people now feel no shame about begging.
Miss Manners abhors the tipping system for many reasons, but acknowledges that it is necessary to supplement workers who do not otherwise earn the wages they deserve. Doctors are not normally perceived as suffering financially without extra largesse from their patients. Self-respecting practitioners do not solicit handouts.
Dear Miss Manners: I would like to know if it is appropriate to record how much money each of your guests give you at your wedding, like a financial ledger.
Personally, I find this extremely tacky. Too much focus is placed on the monetary value, as opposed to the personal value behind the giver’s sacrifice.
This turned into a major blowout with my in-laws, when I said that it shouldn’t matter: $50 might seem like 50 cents to some, and vice versa; therefore, the actual dollar figure should be inconsequential.
Their answer was twofold: First, you need to record the amount each guest gave you so that YOU know how much to give when invited to THEIR kids’ weddings. And second, that Aunt So-andso “deserves to have you know and remember” that she gave so many thousands, even if Aunt Somebody Else gave considerably less.
Please let me know if my heart is right in thinking that this puts terrible emphasis on the shallowest feature of gift-giving.
Gentle Readers: Are you really wondering if it is vulgar of your relatives to keep track of your guests’ donor levels so that you can dole out thanks proportionately and plan to retaliate against those with moderate contributions?
Miss Manners begs you to resist this mean and greedy way of treating people to whom you are supposedly close. But no doubt, explaining this to your in-laws would be a waste of time.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews Mcmeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.