MISS MANNERS Don’t be embarrassed to use an old greeting
Dear Miss Manners: I’ve probably watched one too many classic movies and read too many old books, because I’ve started to say “How do you do?” when I meet someone for the first time, or as a greeting in formal or business encounters. Someone told me it was outdated after I said it to them.
Is it strange to use it these days? Could Miss Manners kindly advise on this before I raise more eyebrows?
Gentle Reader: Raise them. “How do you do?” is the correct thing to say after an introduction. But please hang on for a short tutorial on the usefulness of conventional expressions.
“Pleased to meet you” sounds cordial, but it, too, can be questioned, because how do you know how pleasant it will turn out to be to meet any particular stranger? It is considered unctuous by fastidious Americans – and by all of England, who attacked the Duchess of Cambridge’s mother for saying it upon first meeting the queen.
Miss Manners is afraid that in this literal-minded age, people mistake “How do you do?” for a question. It is not, and the proper answer is another “How do you do?”
Dear Miss Manners: Should women be allowed to wear a white wedding dress and splurge on their second wedding?
I ask this because a mutual friend has just done so, causing a debate between my mother and me. I believe that a woman has the right to her perfect wedding.
What if the first wedding was nothing that she’d hoped for, but this time around, she is going for everything she dreamed of? What if her first spouse was horrible to her, and this is a way for her to heal and move on? What in the manners books makes it OK to do less for your new spouse than your last? Gentle Reader: “Allowed” by whom? Miss Manners has no patience with the grudges of those who felt deprived of their dream wedding, whatever that might be. Marriage is supposed to be for grown-ups, who can understand practical limitations and handle disappointments.
But neither does she consider it is her business to tell a bride what to wear.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews Mcmeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.