Lower expectations, less worry

DEAR ANNIE ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: You are on target in your advice concerning the woman who was hurt by not being notified about her cousin’s death.

Two things have caused me to be a happier person. One is dropping my expectations of others, and the other is choosing not to be offended.

People generally don’t set out to hurt other people. They are encased in their own pain and trying to navigate through their own rough waters. Those who would set out to cause pain are not worthy of our tears. I realized also that people cannot read my mind on what I want. So it’s best to give them what we need, which is love. Love lavishly. Be thoughtful. Give encouragement and sincere compliments.

I encourage this cousin to send loving words in sympathy cards to her grieving cousins. As you said, “grief has a way of wreaking havoc on short-term memory.”

— Still Learning

Dear Still Learning: Thank you for your words. True wisdom comes when you realize how little in the world you really know and you are forever a student of life. Seeing the world through love and compassion always leads to a better world and a happier life for you.

Dear Annie: In response to the letter regarding a request to wear socks at a party to preserve wood floors, such a request should always be accompanied by a statement of understanding that such an act is not possible for some guests.

As a wheelchair user, I could not take my wheels off my chair! And some people can’t walk without their shoes, or they need a walker that scrapes the floor.

This is a sad example of prioritizing things over people. I had hoped you would point that out, as an example of your usual good advice.

— Good Guest in Kansas

Dear Good Guest in Kansas: Thank you for the reminder that not everyone can take their shoes off.

Dear Readers: We had some differing opinions on my response to Don’t Call Me ‘Dear.’

Dear Annie: I read the letter from Don’t Call Me ‘Dear,’ and I agree with her that it is demeaning. The reason I can tell is that it did not happen in the past. People only started calling me “Honey” and “Sweetheart” once I got enough wrinkles. These “terms of endearment” are the ones we use with children, and that is why I find it insulting. I am 66 years old, but I am not yet in my second childhood. It’s just another irritation of advancing age that must be endured.

Thanks for asking our opinions on this matter.

Dear Annie: I can understand how the terms some people use (like “dear,” “sweetie,” “hon” or “honey”) in addressing you can seem a little too familiar if they’re total strangers. But in the days we’re living in now, I just choose to be thankful that these people are being kind in their address. Life’s too brief to be upset by the little things.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane visit the Creators Syndicate website at www. creators.com.