Tests confirm a mom’s suspicions

Dear Harriette: My ex-husband was the product of an extramarital interracial relationship. Both of his parents are white, and he has always denied he was biracial, despite obvious physical characteristics. We have two beautiful teenage children.

We recently took ancestry tests, and what I believed to be true has been confirmed: My children have 25% African DNA. Since our divorce 12 years ago, my children have been raised very open-minded, and for this reason, I don’t believe they will struggle with this, but I’m concerned about the questions they will ask, how much information to give them about their grandmother’s choices and how to deal with their father, who I know will be furious. Please help!

— White Mom Dear White Mom: Your children should know their true identity. Start by sharing with them the results of the DNA test. Make it clear to them that your father’s family chose to have him live as a white man, so he will likely be unhappy about this revelation. Families have secrets; that doesn’t make them bad people.

Prepare your teenagers to understand that they may not get all of the answers that they may want. They can ask their father, but who knows what he will share, especially since he wouldn’t tell you?

If it is true that his mother had an extramarital affair, that is a complicated situation that his mother chose not to address. They may not get the satisfaction that they will desire, but it is worth a try.