MISS MANNERS Leave a Zoom party the same way you would leave one IRL
Dear Miss Manners: How does one politely leave a Zoom conversation when the host has signed up for unlimited time, and everyone knows you have no place to go?
Gentle Reader: The same way you leave any party that is in full swing long after the expected time. You put on your brightest smile, say to the host, “This was great fun, but I’m afraid I have to leave now. Goodbye, everyone!”
Miss Manners keeps warning people not to make up excuses, even in person. They are not necessary, and you will be found out.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband’s sister is in the habit of asking us to pick up food on the way to her house. She has four young children, so we often go there, versus them coming here (we only have one son, who is 2).
She’ll usually ask us to go to a nearby restaurant and get the takeout order, pick up pizza, or stop at the store to pick up “a few ingredients.” This usually ends up being much of the meal, such as hamburgers and hot dogs plus a side, or all of the ingredients necessary for a pasta night.
While we are happy to help, she never pays us back or even mentions it. We are also not offered anything to drink: We need to bring our own drinks except water, is the unspoken rule, and she will drink her drinks right in front of us without offering. We are asked to cook and clean, and we leave feeling as though we just supplied another family with a full night of fun, despite us having to drive.
We are happy to host (and provide all of the food and drink), but are rarely taken up on our offers.
Is there a polite way to ask for payment for the food we pick up? Or, should we stop picking up food in general? It’s very important to my husband that we go every two weeks or so, as that’s the only time he gets to see his family.
Gentle Reader: Before disappointing you, Miss Manners wants to offer sympathy. Your sister-in-law has set this up as a method for you to reciprocate while barring you from reciprocating in the usual fashion, which you have offered to do.
Without family support, with her pitting her four children against your one, with the increasing general habit of expecting guests to contribute refreshments – and perhaps with the argument that, as family, you are not exactly guests – you are probably not going to win this one.
But let’s give it another try. Make the argument to the entire gathered family that you insist on having them because you want your nieces and nephews to feel that your home is an extension of theirs.