Engaged man hasn’t come out

Dear Harriette: I am a gay college student, and I think I have found my soulmate. We are engaged. I want to tell my parents that I found someone I love, but I have no idea if they even know that I am gay. My parents are very supportive and we are close, so I know I can talk to them, but the topic has never really come up. I don’t know If I should just introduce them to my fiance, or if I should tell them about my sexual orientation first. What’s the right way to share?

— Gay And Engaged

Dear Gay And Engaged: I recommend that you start with a face-to-face conversation (or videoconference, if necessary), where you tell them that you have news to share. First, tell them that you are gay. You can ask them if they already knew. Sometimes parents have a sense of who their children are even before their children know. Talk about your sexual orientation. If they seem accepting of your life as it is, tell them that you have met someone special you would like for them to meet. You can talk about your partner and about what makes you compatible. I would wait to say that you are engaged. Give them a chance to meet your partner and develop a relationship before you introduce the subject of marriage.

In time, you can share that you want to marry your partner and that you are engaged. Chances are your parents will want you to complete school before you marry. Be prepared to sort it out over time.

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