What to tell a child who doesn’t want to mask up
If you have a child who feels different from their friends who are not wearing face masks, here are recommendations from Dr. Jenny Walczak, clinical director of mental and behavioral health at Children’s Wisconsin, and Dr. Laura Sheets, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Aurora Behavioral Health Center.
Clearly explain your family’s decision
When kids are doing something different from their peers, they need to know why that is,” Walczak said. “For a younger child, it can be as simple as ‘We want to keep you safe from germs.’ For an older teen, it can be a more complex conversation that comes back to the family’s values.”
Sheets agrees, and suggested that altruism can be a particularly strong position to take with a child. “For kids I’ve worked with, they tell me they’re masking because they want to protect others. That’s a message that will echo in their minds even when the parent isn’t there with them.”
Be a good role model for your kids
“Even though many parents are vaccinated and may choose not to wear a mask anymore, they can model wearing a mask when out in the community or at school with the child,” Walczak said. “That sends a really clear message to the child about what’s important to the family.”
Role-play possible situations
Walczak said parents should think through different scenarios that could happen to their child who is wearing a mask around maskless peers, and determine how they want their children to react in those situations.
“If your child is wearing a mask and another child makes fun of them, do you want your child to get a teacher? Or walk away? Or tell the child the mask is keeping them safe?” Walczak said. “It’s really important for parents to role-play what they want their child’s response to be so the child knows automatically what to say in that situation.”
Sheets said role-playing is a good practice for any sort of peer pressure, and that role-playing situations the child fears increases the likelihood they will feel comfortable if it does happen.
Teach acceptance
Walczak said differences in opinion regarding masking can be a good opportunity for parents to talk about how different families have different values.
Even if those values don’t align with what one family thinks is the right way to act, Sheets said, parents can talk about how everyone feels external pressures to make decisions.
“There are different factors that influence decision-making,” Sheets said. “Children know the external pressures they’re feeling, and they can know that other people who have different opinions are experiencing external pressures of their own.”
Focus on what you can control
Sheets acknowledged that it can be difficult for kids to understand why other people aren’t wearing masks when they’re hearing strong messages from their own family that masks protect them and others. Sheets recommended helping kids focus on the fact that they can control only their own actions.
“It’s easy for all of us to lose sight of what we can control and start to feel hopeless,” Sheets said. “When those feelings are creeping in, that’s a sign to take a step back, take a deep breath and tell yourself that what you’re doing is actually making a big difference and to just focus on the things you have control over rather than other people.”
Be ready to intervene
Sheets said many kids will be able to talk to their parents about peer pressure and figure out ways to deal with it.
“However, for some kids, the peer pressure may continue to escalate and may be something they’re struggling with,” Sheets said. If that happens, she encourages parents to get their children’s doctors involved in the conversation for added perspective and resources.
“For some kids, talking through things with parents is enough and gets the issue resolved, but for others, it doesn’t,” Sheets said. “That could have serious effects on a child’s mental health even beyond the pandemic and should be dealt with early.”