Nanny wants to stay for the kids

Dear Harriette: I am the nanny to two young children whom I love, but I don’t love their parents. I think that the parents can be neglectful. I don’t really like the way that they speak to me, their children or to others. The mother is especially rude. My attachment to the kids is what keeps me at the job. I’m afraid I’m not doing what is right for me, but what is right for the kids. Is it time for me to go?

— Love Being A Nanny Dear Love Being A Nanny: Why do you think the mother is so rude? Can you figure out what’s going on with her? Is there a way for you to establish a better rapport with her? Try that before you walk away. For the good of the children, it would be healthy if you and the parents could have a more respectful relationship. Otherwise, the children will believe that the behavior that they witness is OK. In terms of neglect, tactfully remind the parents of the tasks that you think are important for them to fulfill. Get creative with this. Put sticky notes on the fridge or in the children’s rooms.

If nothing works and you continue to feel demeaned by the parents, it is time for you to plan your exit. Do nothing rash. If you are with an agency, let them know it is time to move on — and why. If you are independent, put out your feelers at schools and in neighborhoods densely populated with families. Be mindful not to bad-mouth these people. Just say it is time for you to move on.

Send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.