Plenty of choices on the ballot: Hillary, Donald or Mickey

Hey, chill, you persnickety voters. You’re not stuck with an either/or pick — with either Trump the human Whoopee Cushion or Ms. Liar, Liar, Pantsuit’s on Fire.

There are other possibilities. Let’s take a gander at them.

Let’s start with Jill Ellen Stein, Green Party candidate. She’ll be on many state ballots. Obviously smart, she’s a Harvard Medical School-educated physician.

But, alas, as any occupant of any bar stool in American can — and will — tell you, smarts aren’t always accompanied by common sense.

Dr. Jill is, after all, an adherent of a party that favors a return to the campfire, just like back in the good old days of early Homo erectus, before such evils as heating and electricity existed.

The Green Party goal is to reduce America’s carbon footprint to a size approaching Burundi’s, Malawi’s or Somalia’s.

But, as indicated, their enviable miniscule carbon emissions numbers are attained only through considerable economic sacrifice.

Dr. Jill’s agenda, aside from reducing America’s carbon footprint is taunting Israel. Bad Israelis! Bad, bad, bad Israelis! Always putting themselves in the way of wherever peaceful Palestinians are setting off their explosives or aiming their rockets.

So — all agreed? — scratch Dr. Jill off the list? Done!

The other major minor candidates are the Libertarian Party’s. The party’s standard bearerss are two ex-guvs — Gary Johnson and his VP running mate, Bill Weld.

Johnson was governor of New Mexico, 1994-2003, a Republican. Weld, governor of Massachusetts, 1991-1997, also was a Republican.

Their Libertarian campaign motto — a play on Trump’s — is “Make American Sane Again.” Clever, eh?

Among Libertarians, no conversation goes longer than 30 seconds without getting to the urgency of legalizing marijuana. And maybe other drugs, too, while we’re at it. “Adult drug use is none of the gumint’s damn bidness!” say Libertarians.

Libertarians rail against taxes, government spending, the national debt, corporate welfare, foreign interventionism, the war on drugs, taxes, government spending, the war on drugs, the war on drugs and the war on drugs.

The 2016 Libertarian presidential ticket, however, is demonstrating an ability to make sweeping, grandiose campaign promises right alongside the bloviators atop the Republican and Democratic tickets.

The Johnson/Weld ticket’s website promises nothing less than the restoration of America’s “industrial might” and the rebuilding of the nation’s infrastructure, schools and hospitals — instead of blowing tax dollars abroad on such things.

Getting into the presidential debates is key for the Libertarian ticket, says Johnson. To do this, Johnson/Weld needs to hit 15 percent in the polls. The ticket’s a tad short of that right now. (Dr. Stein remains down there around 5 percent.)

Meanwhile, there are other candidates to pick from out there. Candidates galore, in fact. Ninety or so. Write-in candidates. Fortythree states allow write-ins, including New Jersey and Pennsylvania. The write-ins stand ready to serve as outlets for you to vent a protest vote.

There are presidential candidates from such fascinating-sounding places as Lugoff, S.C., Mobeetie, Tex., Rabbit Hash, Ky., North Pole, Ark., Potatoville, Idaho. The candidates include Buddy the Elf, Jesus Dog Lord, Soul Bunny, Mister Riff Raff.

There’s one write-in whose name recognition may top even Donald’s and Hillary’s — Mr. Mickey Mouse of Anaheim, Calif. The famed cartoon rodent is a perennial favorite write-in whatever the stakes, whether a seat on the village board or a seat behind the big desk in the Oval Office.